Saturday, 9 January 2010
A Message from Extra-Terrestrials?
The Telegraph has reported these Somerset 'self-rolling' snowballs. Are these balls of snow a natural phenomenom...or are 'they' trying to tell us something?
Like the mysterious crop circles that have baffled local people around the UK who are desperate to get tourists to come to their town, these snow balls have scientists scratching their heads in bemusement.
One self-rolling snowball expert and spokesperson for the Institute of Snow, Somerset, said, "I think 'they' are trying to give us vital information using a hidden code in the arrangement of the balls."
When prompted as to what the message could be, he replied, "Well, I've only been in this field for five minutes but my first suspicion is to they're trying to tell us global warming is a big bag of bollocks."
Meanwhile, in other news, the WWF have released a statement over raised concerns that the polar bears swimming for their poor lives in the catastrophically melting polar ice caps, which could engulf whole continents in any minute now so be afraid, very afraid, have heard about the weather here and are headed our way! Look, this one in a zoo in Scotland is having the time of his life!
A spokesman for the WWF said, "Sure, listen. Don't get us wrong. I mean, we love the polar bears. We want to save them, but we don't actually want them in this country, coming over here, eating our fish and all the rest. Besides, do you know how dangerous these creatures are? They can rip a man's head off with one swipe of their paw and after that, the polar bear will not think twice about raiding your larder, grabbing your microwaveable curry and sticking it on full power for 5 minutes, having pierced the lid according to the instructions while making himself a nice cup of Earl Grey. He'll proceed to enjoy that Korma, steal your identity, your Visa cards, your debit card, your house, your car, your job and probably your wife. If you see any polar bears in the town centre during this cold snap, we advise that you shoot them on sight and if you don't own a shotgun, call us and well kill them."
A spokesman for the Polar Bears Union of Great Britain said, "Oh, that's just typical, isn't it. Yeah, sure! We're used to that! Not in my backyard, they say! Honestly! Bloody Daily Mail readers, BNP types, the lot of them. You Brits never change and if even if you let the polar bears in you'd still stick them in ghettoes!"
So, get ready...the polar bears are coming. They want our jobs. They want our women.
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