How to Lose Your Band's Hard Won Credibility

"Whooooaaah! It's like kecks on fire!"

I have problems with the current music scene. I can't decide whether I'm getting older or music is just getting more rubbish. Still, all the same, it looks like Kings of Leon, a band with a hardcore 'cult' following are doing their best to lose their credibility.

Sadly, modern 'musicians' stand for nothing radical or important or meaningful or, well, anything really. It must be hard to be an artist nowadays and not feel like you have anything of note to say.

So, if there are any bands out there and you are wondering how best to alienate your fanbase and behave in a manner which is about as 'rock' as Sir Richard Branson, here is a short guide in how to do it.

Step 1: Introduce your own clothing range.

There you go! You've done it! The full and wholesale 'selling out' of your band and music to the global capitalist machine and that's after you've signed to a multi-national label! Good grief! No wonder kids are so messed up nowadays! I know modern bands are finding it hard to make money from record sales but Kings of Leon really do take the Hob Nob. Maybe they should have introduced their own brand of afternoon tea snacks instead. "Whoooaah! It's biscuits on fire!"

These amateurs wouldn't know an 'artist' if he came up to them and told them their band was about as exciting, innovative and inspiring as an intensive, one-day health and safety course. Still, at least they might learn about fire extinguishers in cases of emergency, instead of singing about them...