Tuesday, 5 January 2010

A Comedian Couldn't Make it Up

On Christmas Day, a young man named Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab gets on a plane without a passport. It is a mystery how he gets onto the plane without a passport since no ordinary citizen is able to do this. Yet eye witnesses report that he is aided by a sharply-dressed man who says, "He’s from Sudan and we do this all the time." This testimony is then ridiculed in the MSM in the US.

It is claimed that he then tried to detonate a bomb on the plane which was located in his underpants. If it did not detonate, which it did not, one would assume that the man was 'rearranging' himself. I know it is not an attractive male trait, but there we go, it happens. Even Obama's new employee probably still does it as men's habits are hard to break no matter how hard we try.

The individual is then taken into custody by the FBI. The mainstream media spend Christmas in a frenzy claiming that a terrorist incident was narrowly averted by the security services in Amsterdam upon a flight bound for Detroit. The Governments in the US, the UK and EU heads say that something is needed to stop another Calvin Kleins bomber from striking again.

Almost immediately, the UK and US Governments have the answer and the answer is full body scanners.

"But where will we get such technological equipment to protects us from the terrorists?", cry out the public, desperate for Big Brother to come to the rescue, if, that is, you watch the Government mouthpiece that goes by the name of the British Broadcasting Corporation.

The Governments in the US, the UK and EU reply, "Oh! Well! You're not going to believe this, but it just so happens we've got a contract with a firm who have been working on this great machine which is all set and ready to be rolled out to airports within a matter of a week or two. We've been looking into this for a while and we were really just looking for an excu-...I mean, talk about good fortune! Phew! Thank God for the State, eh?! What would you do or where would you be without us?! Not Malaga, not Istanbul, not next year! Obviously, we can't just full body scan Muslims because that would be racist so I'm afraid you'll all have to be scanned, just in case, well, you know, you probably don't look like a Muslim with an axe to grind against the 'free World', but how can anyone be sure that you don't have an explosive crotch. I hear most people in this country do if GQ and Cosmo are anything to go by. Alright? So, full body scanners to be introduced next week. Remember, we are here to protect you."

The Government minister then calls the firm responsible for the full body scanner and says, "Uh-huh. Yeah...yeah...uh-huh. Haha! I know! They actually bought it! Ker-ching! Uh-huh, yes, of course you knew you could count on me. Now, can I count on you? Good!"

And if you don't believe that that is how it happened, then, well, believe what you want to believe. But I can tell you now, with God as my witness that the only reason this Government wants to see us naked is so they can screw us! Right up the arse! And that's men, that's women and that's the nations children too!

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