How to Develop a Messiah Complex...

'Ah my little fishes. Behold these are times of great tribulation, of trial and storm and flood. But see, I am doing a great deed. The waters become murky and your hearts fail for fear of the tankocalypse. A big hand and net comes into the tank and you cannot understand the might of your keeper. See, I am placing you in a small bowl next to the tank while I make a new fish tank, a place of happiness, of joy. A place where there is cleaner gravel, a place where there is more gravel than you had before, where there are fewer snails. See, I am doing a great deed and placing a filter bought from the aquarium for just £29.99 which replaces the old one which was knackered. You find it hard to breathe in the glass vase which I now place you in, all 22 of you, but you, my little ones are kept safe, for your keeper loves you and is refashioning the tank. Behold, I am making for you a new tank which is paradise where the water is clean.

Yes, my little ones. This new tank will be a tank of milk and honey where you will be able to drink freely of the clean water mostly filtered out of impurities by using a Brita water filter, but normal water for the times when I couldn't be arsed for it to drip through and thought, 'Sod it, they'll survive'.

See, little fishes how happy you now are. These are the fishies who endured to the end the great persecution of the snails and the Anti-fish. Come my little fishes into the tank prepared for you since the foundation of the tank before, where you can enjoy every now and again the beatific vision of my face, my happy countenance, every time I come along and admire you, my little fishes.'


Anonymous said…
You did a lovely job on the tank! Not sure what the anti-fish are but you tend to get snail explosions if you over-feed. Also I bought a great little gravel hoover for about a tenner, used every fortnight it keeps the gravel good as new.

I intend to get a gravel hoover.
Rusticus said…
Bones, that's brilliant!

(Not sure about all this talk of "gravel hoovers", though).

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