Defender of the One True Faith

St. Vincent & The Grenadines official Pope Benedict XVI stamps. The question burning on everyone's lips like hot coal on those of an Old Testament prophet is: 'Will Royal Mail do Pope Benedict XVI stamps?'

The Holy Father, His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI, now gloriously reigning, has been under a great barrage of scathing treatment by the UK gutter press (they're nearly all in the gutter and the only stars they're looking at are the horoscopes), which, when you consider that the Successor of St Peter will be arriving on the shores of 'Our Lady's Dowry' in September to give the hides of Dawkins and his minions a good kicking, is not surprising. They and the Devil, who influences the majority of opinion formers in spheres of power and influence are worried that the Successor of St Peter will arrive and catch a massive draught of fishes forcing the Holy Father to prolongue his stay in order to baptise over 60 million people.

Everyone knows the media hate the Church, especially The Times and the BBC and they especially despise the Holy Father, fundamentally, because he is a shaft of holy light into the darkness of the secular agenda. It is not too late to join the Facebook Group Catholics Who Condemn the Media's Recent Treatment of the Pope or to go out onto the streets setting fire to copies of The Times while asking the Lord not to hold Ruth Gledhill's now notorious anti-Catholicism against her too much, but suggesting that were she to, say, suffer some kind of unfortunate repetative strain injury for about 10 years, that it would do the Church and the World an almighty favour.

What with the Anglican Communion in disarray and with nearly every vicar chomping at the bit to take up the Holy Father's offer to come over, the stage is set for Her Majesty the Queen, the Prime Minister and the Editor of The Argus to convert to the Most Holy Faith during his visit. It is with great joy, then, that I can exclusively reveal the itiniery of Pope Benedict XVI on his visit to the United Kingdom, having been handed it by one of my many important contacts...that's, er...The Telegraph online, who are, by and large, a great publication.

Coventry Airport, West Midlands. He will beatify Cardinal John Henry Newman, who founded the Birmingham Oratory, during a public Mass at the now-disused airfield. This is a stage on the path to sainthood and will mean the Victorian theologian and convert to Rome is given the title “blessed”.

Hyde Park, London. Benedict XVI will hold his third public service, a prayer vigil, in a central London park rather than at Wembley Stadium as his predecessor did.

Westminster Cathedral, London. He will celebrate Mass before an invited audience at England’s primary Catholic church. There will also be a private speech about education at an as-yet undisclosed location.

Westminster Hall, London. The Pope will deliver a “major speech to British civil society” at the oldest building in Parliament where Sir Thomas More, the Catholic martyr, was sentenced to death.

Lambeth Palace, London. Benedict XVI, who recently set up a scheme for disaffected Anglicans to convert to Catholicism, will meet Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, at his historic residence on the banks of the Thames.

Westminster Abbey, London. Like most heads of state who come to Britain, the pontiff will visit the Grave of the Unknown Warrior. He will also pray at the Shrine of St Edward, King and Confessor, with the Archbishop of Canterbury and last but not least...

St Mary Magdalen Church, Brighton. Details TBC...Nearly had you going!

Meanwhile, James Preece discovered this interview now doing the rounds on a couple of blogs, of our very own Bishop Kieron Conry making a concerted effort at defending Holy Mother Church from the woman now viewed in traditional Catholic circles as anathaema. He is visibly nervous, sweating, defensive and under pressure, but then, that is all forgiveable since he was being interviewed by that woman from The Times. Brave man!