Dawkins Gives Pope 'Career' Advice

I feel quite sorry for Dawkin's children. Can you imagine having Dawkins for a father? There he is, tucking his boy into bed like the good, tender, loving father that he is, having just read him his favourite Pullman fantasy, when the little boy looks up trustfully and asks...

"Daddy...Tell me about God."

Only for Dawkins to reply hastefully, in apoplectic rage...

"He doesn't exist you imbecilic little cretin! There is no bleedin' sky fairy! Get that through your thick skull!"

This week, the High Priest of Atheism and serial God basher, Richard Dawkins, has come out fighting from the atheist trenches, taking time out from getting paid vast sums to fly around the World preaching the 'bad news', to advise our beloved Holy Father on his role as Successor of St Peter...

"No, Pope Ratzinger should not resign. He should remain in charge of the whole rotten edifice – the whole profiteering, woman-fearing, guilt-gorging, truth-hating, child-raping institution – while it tumbles, amid a stench of incense and a rain of tourist-kitsch sacred hearts and preposterously crowned virgins, about his ears." ~ Richard Dawkins

Of course, unlike Mr Dawkins, the Holy Father is actually risking his life in preaching the Good News and it is, one imagines, actually a lot harder being Pope Benedict XVI, with the enormous responsibilty that comes with being Guardian of so many souls and knowing that you are reviled merely for getting up in the morning and dressing up in the Papal 'frock', than just being Richard Dawkins and spouting off in another ill-considered diatribe. I mean, just how much security does Dawkins need whenever he makes another embarrassingly awful, intellectually adolescent speech?

Anyway, if you are feeling absurdly, excessively charitable you can donate to the wonderful work of the embittered old misanthrope here (of course I'm not providing you with the actual link), because, let's face it, anyone who has been married thrice is a great defender of both women and children.

Thank God that the man doesn't suffer the Catholic guilt that the Holy Father feasts on, even in Lent, every day, brought to him, as it is, daily on a tray by Vatican child slaves for breakfast with a copy of Osservatore Romano and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, before he snaps his fingers and calls five Cardinals to send them off to be abused in secret Vatican padeophile bunkers buried deep beneath the Catacombs.

Yeah. Help poor Dawkins out, guys. I mean, the man is doing so much good around the whole World and he's working on a shoe-string, isn't he? He's kind of like an atheist Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. Richard Dawkins: A defender of women and children, a man who values liberty, cherishes the institution of the family and loves the poor. He is also a defender of freedom, especially religious freedom. If the British Humanist Association could canonize people (I hear they've already got 'ministers' so they'll probably start canonizing soon) he'd surely be a Saint. So make sure you go over to his website and buy a veritable truck load of his DVDs, because he's a man humble in both his station and his ways.

Pray for him. There are probably Signs all around Heaven with rewards for anyone up there who can capture this man, for we must bear in mind that he is still at large and 'wanted' up there, 'dead or alive'. I could go on knocking the old heretic, but it is a sin, after all, against Holy Charity to go on too much. Let's leave the man who makes Caiphas look open-minded where he wishes to be for now, screaming his bile at the Cross, and hand him over to the 'secular arm' where he is adored and worshipped as some kind of strange demi-god.