Paul Inwood to be Honoured for Services to Music

A young Paul Inwood: He was considered a child prodigy on the piano
The National Secular Society is to honour Paul Inwood for his service to music.

Speaking on behalf of the NSS, Polly Toynbee said of Inwood, "Few musicians and composers have done more to aid the National Secular Society in our drive to turn the nation into a secular society and it is time his work was given the public recognition it deserves. For us, he has been as important in the secularization of culture as figures such as Lady Gaga, Madonna and the Rolling Stones because he is doing our work on the inside of the Church, despite the fact that nobody from the NSS asked him to do so. That, to me, suggests a great deal of generosity."

Inwood rose to fame in the world of Church music when, as a 14-year-old, he heard Allegri's Miserere Mei Deus in St Peter's during a Wednesday Mass. Astonished by its beauty and timelessness, Inwood decided to adapt it to a modern setting in the 1970s with guitar and keyboard as a four chord based Communion hymn. What emerged, the now famous 'Finger-Snap Allelulia' was so popular that some people would leave Mass early just to go home and listen to it at home more intensely.

Grayling: Inwood an 'unexpected boon' for atheists
Professor A.C Grayling of the National Secular Society said, "Despite my enormous contempt for the Catholic Church and the Pope, I, like my illustrious friend and fellow of the Royal Society, Richard Dawkins, can appreciate and enjoy the timeless beauty of Church music. What the secular world has to offer in terms of beautiful music nowadays is not really in the same league."

"So, for us, the fact that a more contemporary musical reflection of religious themes has been widely incorporated into the Catholic Mass has been helpful - an unexpected boon. Some people have heard his music and almost instantaneously stopped believing that a loving God exists. That says something. It's time we at the National Secular Society recognised the work that Mr Inwood has done in helping the Church lose members through music and in helping people to doubt the ancient superstitions of the Catholic Church more and more. Mr Inwood is even challenging the Pope on whether the Latin Mass was abrogated or not. The Pope says it was not formally abrogated, while Inwood says it was. So who is Pope in all this? Such contempt for tradition, disobedience to the Pope and challenging of legitimate authority in the Church deserves public recognition from the National Secular Society."

Did Inwood's music lower Catholic birth rates?
Professor Steve Jones, leading geneticist, fellow of the Royal Society and honorary associate of the NSS said, "Is the ability to compose such music as that of Paul Inwood in the genes? Perhaps. It certainly cannot be ruled out that Mr Inwood inherited this genetic gift for secular Church music from parents or even distant grandparents. I look forward to honouring Mr Inwood for his musical contribution to the increasingly secular world-view of many within the Church."

"As a former president of what was known as the British Eugenics Society, but is now the Galton Institute, I welcome Mr Inwood's contribution to our cause because it has been said that not only did such secularisation of the Catholic Mass disguise the mystery of the Mass in an increasingly sexualised and contraceptive age, but it is also said that his music caused married couples to stop making love altogether. For us, and especially for those with an interest in what used to be known as eugenics, this is another positive contribution to the battle over the nation's...er...soul...or rather...gene-pool."

Paul Inwood himself was unavailable for comment.


Comments

Annie said…
Excellent! :D
Lynda said…
Hilarious!
pelerin said…
Very funny! Why is it that some of those dreadful hymns linger on in the brain and you actually find yourself humming them subconsciously? A few weeks back I attended a Mass where the first hymn was 'Shine Jesus Shine'. I found it impossible to join in and remained silent but even so found it reverberating in my head for days afterwards. I know we sang it in Hyde Park but that was not at Mass.