Call to Action...

Promotional poster for The Tablet's new survey and care in the community scheme
Hot on the heels of The Tablet's survey of its online readership's response to what was feared to be an 'overtly Latinate' new translation of the Roman Missal a new survey has been created to cater more directly to the needs of its readership.

As is known, while the Holy Father, as an elderly person, has embraced new technology, it is well known that not all the over 70's are yet online and so, while happy to receive their subscriptions and prescriptions, are not regular readers of The Tablet's exciting web presence.

Concerned that the recent survey on the 'new mass' may have been completed extensively by a new generation of Catholics whose computer usage is so alarmingly regular that concerns have been raised that they are 'part man, part machine', The Tablet has set up an initiative called, 'Call to Action: Press twice to dissent!'

The Tablet: Pastoral care in the community
Using the 'panic button' technology now being used by some care companies, care services having largely been outsourced by local authorities to rapacious and largely indifferent care firms, Tablet readers are able to complete Tablet surveys much as they would call for assistance from their care company.

As well as forming an excellent method for its readers to complete surveys in order to reaffirm themselves and the magazine they love in their distance from the Catholic Church's teachings and shared sorrow and regret at the pontificate of Pope Benedict XVI, the 'panic button' scheme also means that The Tablet office plays its part in care in the community.

The scheme, 'Call to Action! Press Twice to Dissent!', also means that The Tablet can alert care companies if their underpaid workers forget to turn up to an appointment to empty a commode, do some light shopping for a client, or make them a sandwich.

Prime Minister David Cameron said, 'It is this kind of initiative that makes me believe my vision of a Big Society is the right direction for the country.  It is wonderful that The Tablet is coming to the aid of its readership and assisting in fomenting dissent against what is quite likely one of the last remaining bulwarks against a totalitarian State left.'

Comments

" It is wonderful that The Tablet is coming to the aid of its readership and assisting in fomenting dissent against what is quite likely one of the last remaining bulwarks against a totalitarian State left."

Or the beginning of a Totalitarian State and Church shaped by Tablet views?
BJC said…
Hilarious!

I also notice the Tablet are celebrating the 50th anniversary of condom supporting CAFOD. The guest editor Julie Etchingham looks like the sort of cafeteria Catholic the Tablet team would approve of. Even if she isn't Dermot O'Leary of X-factor fame another one of the contributors certainly is. In the article below he says he cohabited with his girlfriend, uses contraceptives, doesn't think his religion (sorry 'My religion') is the one true faith, and admits to being a 'buffet Catholic'. In short perfect material for the Tablet. The author interestingly is one Peter Stanford of.........the Tablet.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/features/3635587/Dermot-OLeary-The-real-Dermot-stands-up.html

Quite what Ed Balls and Justine Greening are doing in the same issue is anybody's guess but maybe the clue is they are about as Catholic as the Tablet team. It also seems fitting they totally ignore the fact this is the 25th anniversary of the beatification of the English martyrs and focus on the social gospel instead. Its about their level.