Leveson to Hand Over Regulation of Catholic Blogs to New Independent Body

In a shock move against the unruly, incendiary 'wild west' world of Catholic blogs, the Government is said to be set to hand over the regulation of this quarter of the internet to an independent regulatory body known for impartiality, fairness and transparency. Speaking about his recommendations, Lord Leveson said in a private press conference attended by key members of the British Catholic weekly colour magazine industry...

"I have heard of your anguish, your appeals for help and, in particular, from even some members of the Catholic hierarchy, over cognac and some brandy snaps, that an area of the Catholic internet presence does, indeed, need an element of regulation. While it is true that I believe that there are elements of the British press that require regulation, perhaps by statute, I also believe that, at this stage, actual state regulation of dangerous rogue elements within the Catholic online community is not prudent or necessary. An independent body of trusted individuals with experience in the Catholic press and with known networks in other public media institutions would, however, be the perfect vehicle by which to regulate those pernicious elements in the online community that seek to undermine the public interest."

Parts of the Catholic online community have got 'out of hand'
While the head of the new regulatory body has not yet been confirmed, names being associated with the new regulatory body include Catherine Pepinister, of The Tablet, Robert Mickens, of The Tablet, Ed Stourton, of the BBC, Prof. Tina Beattie of The Tablet Trust, Elena Curti of The Tablet, Lord Patten of Barnes, of The Tablet Trust, Clifford Longley of The Tablet and the historian and regular critic of the martial law imposed by Benedict XVI upon the Universal Church, Prof. Eamon Duffy.

It is thought, however, that the entire remit of the regulatory body may eventually be handed over to The Tablet Trust because of its reputation for accommodating and welcoming a more liberal approach to social issues as well as those who act as a subversive force within the Catholic Church, to the ire of the increasingly dangerous, explosive, poisonous, anti-social and aggressively dogmatic traditionally Catholic community online.

While details of the regulatory body have yet to be finalised, Prof. Tina Beattie of the Digby Institute for Human Flourishing released a public statement confirming that she was 'delighted' with the Leveson recommendations, that the body could not be established 'soon enough' and that it was 'high time that the Catholic bloggers took heed of Benedict XVI's advice to the Bishops and England and Wales to recognise dissent for what it is'. Prof. Beattie said that the 'hoodlums, hooligans and vandals' who dissent from, or who are critical of, modern interpretations of the Catholic Faith, will certainly not be tolerated'.

'The new regulatory body will need to have teeth'
Tablet columnist and BBC regular, Clifford Longley commented saying, "It's really vital that this new, independent and impartial body, known for its transparency while maintaining a healthy relationship with other public media institutions funded by the public is given teeth.

As the years go on and after its initial set-up, some people who work for the independent and transparent body will require them, since members of the body concerned cannot really be expected to finance their own dental care in what remains an economic crisis.

Even more than this though, as this body flourishes into a trustworthy and unbiased vehicle to make the Catholic region of the internet one that extols true Catholic values, such as equality, diversity and the flourishing of the human spirit, it may be that some aspects of the online Catholic community require some element of encouragement towards a safe and healthy attitude to Catholic affairs. The Pope has made it clear that the West needs to be re-evangelised in the 21st century. The wild west element of the internet, too, almost certainly requires a measure of re-educating. It will also be vital that this new and independent body is well funded."

Despite efforts made to contact them, no Catholic bloggers were available for comment, though one who has sought asylum in a Portugese embassy in London, who has recently developed a serious lung infection, is said to be 'disappointed' with the recommendations.

Comments

I am not certain that you should make me laugh so much as I begin Advent!
But thanks for the post.
"They" are coming to get you!
pelerin said…
Your spoofs really are excellent Laurence. What do you say when someone tells you they read the Tablet? Should one commiserate and ask why or should one just change the subject? The last time I was told 'what a good magazine it was' I have to admit I hastily changed the subject as the readers were an elderly couple in their 80s and I did not wish to offend them!