James: “Hello, Mark. Fancy seeing you here! What are you in for?”
Mark: “Oh hello, James, how long has it been?! Good God! Fancy seeing you here! I'm making reparation to God's Justice for the sin of lust at the moment. As you can see I am engulfed in the purifying fire right now. In particular, for that affair I had in 1896. My wife understood, but clearly the Lord didn't! Oi, will you let off some! Honestly, people here say that souls used to get released from Purgatory much quicker in the olden days. What with the Faith declining in various Western parts of the Earth and far less faithful pilgrim souls praying for the Church Suffering because they think it is too 'traditional', things are going slower here nowadays. Honestly! Do those Tablet readers think that God has changed!? Oi! I'm trying to have a conversation here! Let off some, will you!?”
James: “You had an affair? Well, I never! I never had you down as the sort, you old rogue you! Well, I never did that, I was always loyal to my wife, you know that. All in all I was a model husband and I still died a holy death.”
Mark: “Hmm...So what are you in for, James?”
James: “The sin of Pride, Mark. That's why I have to stand here with a sign saying, 'Poor Sinner' while other people laugh at me and deride me. It's all very humbling.”
Mark: “Uh-huh. Hang on...O holy joy! Oh thank you! A holy woman in Clapham just said a prayer for the forgotten souls! O hello, sweet Angel of God! You beauty! O joy of all joys! Gotta go James, I've just been released! Hope to see you in Paradise soon!”
James: “O that we shall meet soon merrily in Heaven! Bye Mark! ... John! Fancy seeing you here! It's been so long! What are you in for?! Murder, you say! Oh my God! Well I never! I never had you down as the sort! Well, you're lucky to even be here, aren't you mate?! I never took a life when I was alive. I didn't even harm a fly! Oh John...John! Don't leave so soon, we were just catching up! Oh bugger...Talking of buggers, Jack! Jack, me old mucker!...”
1 comment:
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