Well, I'm offended. The Cross has made me cross. I've had a change of heart about the image of the Crucifix and I've decided that I am offended, awfully offended, because it suggests that I am in some way responsible for the death of the Lord our God. It suggests that because of my sins that I have committed Deicide. So, I'm mounting a legal challenge in the European Court of Human Rights because I'm offended. It isn't fair to say I was responsible for the death of Our Lord Jesus Christ because I haven't had a trial. So I want to be put on trial at the European Court of Human Rights. It is an ambitious plan so say a prayer for me that I'm not found guilty even though I leave behind me a trail of scarlet sins so large you could deck Buckingham Palace out in red with them and still have plenty of paint left for the rest of the neighbourhood. I'm appealing for Legal Aid of course so I know I'll get a fine lawyer. I'm going with that guy who got OJ off of that murder charge.
Not only does my local parish Church have the image of the Crucified in several places but look, in Padua they've even got a Giotto fresco all over the wall with the offensive image. So, I'm off to the European Court of Human Rights so that I can get painters and decorators in to whitewash the walls because this image breaches my human rights. Also, the Vatican museums have lots of images of Crosses and Crucifixes and offended tourists to the site of special cultural interest could see the offensive image and be offended, so its important that those walls are decorated in magnolia as well, or I don't know, brilliant white, maybe. The colour doesn't matter too much just as long as any evidence is destroyed...
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