That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill

‘EU Presidency’ position is precursor to ‘Euro-Pope’ plan, admists Brussels insider



[An excerpt 'news' piece from a new potential Catholic magazine, The Indulgencia...]

Tony Blair’s bid for the EU presidency has been cast in a new light since a Brussels insider dramatically admitted that the role is far wider and more profound than was at first anticipated by individual nation states.

Concern has been growing within the bureaucratic equivalent of the Tyrannosaurus Rex that the existence of a Pope to the World’s one billion Catholics could hinder the EU’s desire to destroy the concept of religious, national and cultural identity.

The plan to draft a new proposal on creating a ‘Euro-Pope’ for European Catholics came after a secret meeting attended by Tony Blair, his wife Cherie, Peter Mandelson, Silvio Berlusconi, Nicholas Sarkosy and his wife Carla Bruni. The singer Madonna is also thought to have been present and it is reported that at some point in the evening, she and Carla Bruni left the meeting to work on a new song about how much they despise the Catholic Church into which they were baptised and against which they have been rebelling since fifteen, imaginatively titled, ‘Screw You, Benny! (We say be Euro-own Pope!)”

Mr Blair, a Catholic convert and wife, Cherie Blair, a ‘devout Catholic’, have strongly denied the claim made by a Catholic Brussels mole, who was outraged by the idea and wanted to alert the World to the plan. A spokesman for Mr Blair said, “Here, you couldn’t sex up this dossier for us could you? Oh! You’re a member of the press. Sorry!”

Vatican: ‘Whatever next?’

Vatican spokesmen called for an immediate explanation. One Cardinal expressed horror at the alleged plan, saying, “This plan, if it exists and isn't a piece of satire, is a grave scandal. While the Church commends global moves for further solidarity and dialogue between nations, the Holy See utterly rejects moves to create a new Euro-Pope position. We have a Pope, gloriously reigning and he is the Successor of St Peter. He is Pope to European Catholics and Catholics worldwide, as visible Head of the Church on Earth. This is a matter which the EU should leave well alone. You cannot legislate against God’s decrees when He already entrusted the Keys of the Kingdom to St Peter. I mean, whatever next? I suppose you’ll be telling me next week that the European Court of Human Rights has demanded Crucifxes be taken down from Italian school walls, lest they offend someone? How preposterous!”

‘Papal Ring Tone’

Rumours that Tony Blair was at the secret meeting will come as no surprise to many Catholics who have long assertedin pubs, ‘That guy thinks he’s the Pope!’ Recently, Mr Blair made headlines in the World’s press by his interview with ‘Gay’ magazine, ‘Attitude’ in which he made comments which appeared at odds with Catholic teaching on homosexuality and contraception. His wife, Cherie Blair, has also made some public pronouncements on faith and morals which go against the teaching of the Church. Traditonal Catholics have called this new move the ‘Blairification of the Nations’ and assert that they have long believed the Blairs make a deliberate attempt to undermine the authority of the Holy Father and the teaching of the Church in public life and that they’d both have been torched for heresy years ago back in what one layman described as ‘the good old days’.