Friday, 25 February 2011

Could You Be the Catholic Political Warrior of the Future?

Faith in the Future: Catholic Parliamentary Internship Scheme from Catholic Church (England/Wales) on Vimeo.

I wish I could do the book-keeping work that I do for St Mary Magdalen's voluntarily, but, sadly, this is the only employment that I have, so this money is what puts bread on the table. I suppose I could go on the soup run to get my dinner, but then the £12 a week that I spend on food for the soup run out of my payment means that I am able to experience the joy of giving as well as that of being on the receiving end of generosity.

A commenter also told me not to criticise Austen Ivereigh because I am not fit to 'polish his shoes'. Well, at least Austen can afford to have someone polish his shoes and while it may not be me that he would go to in order to have them polished, because I seem to be largely unemployable, at least I can say that I don't whore out my Catholic Faith to any liberal media establishment willing to publish something very inoffensive indeed to a crowd of people so used to Polly Toynbee's vitriolic rants against the Holy Faith, that the Catholic Faith has to be coated in warm words and saccharine in order for it to be consumed, lest the readers choke to death. It's a dirty job, Austen, but I know somebody has to do it. I thought most of the article was actually very good.

Besides, despite what Austen might think, I don't hate him or even dislike him. How can I when I've never met him? All I say is, "Don't hold back, Austen! You tell those liberals what's what! Better to lose bad friends than your immortal soul! Go get 'em!" Anyway, the upshot of 'Margaret's comments is that 'she' (it isn't necessarily a 'she', as I doubt 'she' has used her real name) is writing to His Lordship, + Kieran Conry, presumably to complain either about my salary or my blog or both. This is indeed her right. She is entitled to write to the Bishop, but I can't see what His Lordship would complain about in this blog. After all, His Lordship is 100% in accord with Pope Benedict XVI in matters on Faith and Morals, obedient to the Successor of St Peter and of sound, orthodox theology, so what would he see in my blog that would offend him? Like all Bishops of England and Wales, His Lordship wishes only to see the defense of the Catholic Faith in the United Kingdom, the stamping out of heresy and the Gospel of Our Lord Jesus Christ proclaimed from the rooftops, to be beamed back to Earth via satellites onto the laptops, desktop computers and mobile phones of every citizen in the realm and beyond, as His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI has encouraged us to, in playing our part in the New Evangelisation of Europe.

We can all at least agree that there exists no field of human creativity that needs the New Evangelisation more than that of politics. It is with this in mind that the Bishops Conference of England and Wales are asking whether there any young people interested in becoming the Catholic Church's new breed of evangelists in the political World? The Catholic Bishops of England and Wales are training up our bright young things to be at the coal face of Westminster and Brussels life, to face down those wolves, with their evil secular agenda, diabolical anti-life policies and secret plans to violently rape the Bride of Christ while she's not looking. There is absolutely no way, no way on God's green Earth that the Bishops of England and Wales are going to allow this to happen. Not from Europe, not from Westminster. No way, hosea. That's why they're training young adults to be pro-life soldiers for Christ, brave, upright political warriors of the 21st century who will stand up for Truth and strike the serpent where it hurts, on its head, in the corridors of power in the United Kingdom and Brussels. Could you be the next Oona Stannard or even Greg Pope? Wouldn't you like to be? Then this the chance for you!

Of course, I'd be interested in applying myself but I doubt that their Lordships would want this washed-up reprobate, with his useless degree in Politics from Liverpool University (2:1) and his NCTJ in Magazine Journalism, because, after all, if there is one quality necessary for work in Westminster it is that of being diplomatic. Although their Lordships love Our Blessed Lady, Our Blessed Lord, His Holy Church. His Pope, the Holy Doctrines of the Church and have great zeal for Souls, they, above all others, understand the need, the very urgent need for us to be diplomatic and to use very diplomatic language when discussing the Catholic Faith. You see, when the Dioceses send parishes out posters about a forthcoming Fairtrade gathering to foster social justice, it doesn't mean that. What it really means is that there will, during the course of Lent, be a seminar given by a highly respected Priest entitled, 'Our Need for Regular Confession'. It's in code, because the Church is suffering persecution for having spoken out undiplomatically in the past.

The interns in the video above now and then say that the work is "spiritual". What is "spiritual" about working in the sleaze-pit of Westminster or with the greased-up, go-go-dancer grabbing, gravy-train robbing-slime-bag politicians of the European Union? Gosh, internships in Brussels and Westminster! I'll bet that costs the Catholic Trust for England and Wales (CaTEW) funded initiative, a small sum. but then, I'm not so cynical as to complain about that because their Lordships are just being generous to their flock and feeding their tender lambs. They will never feed them to the wolves! Not now! Not ever!

Let's face it, the Catholic Communications Network (CCN) paid their staff £190,246 last year alone, but it is parishioners money that our intrepid and steadfast Bishops of England and Wales are prepared to see spent in order to communicate the Gospel, to defend our Holy Mother the Church and to save souls and, what is more, as Damian Thompson will tell you, they are worth every single penny. We know that each one of those men in the CCN does it all for the love of God, very often defending Christ and His Church out of office hours, at early hours of the morning on blogs that uphold the Magisterium and defend the Successor of St Peter, Pope Benedict XVI, now gloriously reigning!

God bless and protect our Bishops so that they may continue to strike fear into the enemies of Christ and His Bride, the Church!


Mike L said...

If you can justify the £60 I don't see you have a problem. As earlier advised, you could try care assistant, always wanted. It's still the Lord's work: "For the least you do unto one of these you do unto me". Good Luck.

Sixupman said...

A wonderful start to my day!

Ian said...

Margaret is probably peeved at your general attitude to women even though she is a conservative RC. The woman who retracted her "priesthood" would be under great pressure. Unilateral action like that is doomed to failure, not because it won't happen eventually (if it is of the Spirit) but because the whole church needs to move in this direction. I feel for that woman. She must have felt very excluded. Regards.

Fr. Stephen Brown said...

Splendid rant Laurence - very refreshing! [People don't realise how many letters of complaint bishops get every day; M's letter will be filed under 'B' I'm sure...]

Mater mari said...


We used to live in Sussex but we're better now...

Seasidedweller said...

"Anyway, the upshot of 'Margaret's comments is that 'she' (it isn't necessarily a 'she', as I doubt 'she' has used her real name) is writing to His Lordship, + Kieran Conry, presumably to complain either about my salary or my blog or both."

Good luck to her - I'd be very surprised if she gets a reply.

Anonymous said...


Austen is wet. All he ever says is yes but, yes but, yes but and his latest article was more of the same. Our Lord told us to be in all our speech "yea yea, nay nay" but he prefers to speak out of both sides of his mouth. What a palaver. Your criticism of him and John Smeaton's criticism of him was fully justified and I don't see what his problem is. As a good Catholic boy he should just take in on the chin say a mea culpa and come out fighting next time intead of acting like a wimp.


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