James McMillan: One Cool Mo' Fo'

According to Damian Thompson of Holy Smoke fame, Catholic composer James McMillan has written to the soon-to-be-new Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols to tell him that parish church music is awful and the need for decent music to support the liturgy is very much required.

Unlike myself, James is what they call a talented musician. Classically trained and with an ear that gives a tiny glimpse of Heaven. Not only that, but he's good looking, has great cheekbones, is highly photogenic, cool, probably not a narcissist and is rightfully famous for writing music which is worthy of being played in a Cathedral.

However, being a liberal cafeteria Catholic, I don't want to see his evil plans to bring beauty back to the Mass through music of splendour and glory. All this angelic choir nonsense has no place in the Church of the 21st Century. So I have finally, after a whole five minutes of sheer ardour, labour, sweat, suffering for my art and inspiration from Heaven come up with this, my masterpiece, to combat the renewal of the liturgy so despised by us Catho-libs...Here it is...Prepare to be amazed...

Oh Lord
You fill us with wonderment
Thank you for the environment
Help us to protect the environment
You who made the firmament
Give us the discern-a-ment
To sort the paper from the cardboard
The bottles from the plastic
The cans from the normal rubbish
So we can recycle with a certain-a-ment
Knowledge of Thy learn-a-ment
Because Thou didst send Thy Son
To die for us by His atone-a-ment
So we may save the environment

I'm going to send it to the Bishops of England and Wales. I think they'll like it! Copyright is mine however but chord sequence is, G/D/Am, over and over again. You could call it Taize. It's basically 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door'...with knobs on.