Monday, 15 June 2009

Cutting Your Own Hair

I just cut my own hair. Is this a sign of...

a) Vanity?
b) Poverty?
c) Eccentricity?
d) Stupidity?

Answer: Mostly b. I can tell you one thing for nothing...I'm keeping my hat on! The hardest bit is the back of the head. My hair has been getting long and I've sure I have been causing scandal when altar serving. Also, it felt so heavy and was becoming very irritating, so it just had to go.

For those who want to try it. Here is a quick guide.

Step 1: Get some scissors.
Step 2: Find a mirror.
Step 3: Just snip away and see what looks good.
Step 4: Then once you think it looks reasonable, keep obsessively snipping and experiment. Remain unsatisfied and keep snipping until you look ridiculous, safe in the knowledge that even though you look silly, you've saved yourself ten bob and cannot blame the hairdresser.
Step 5: Get another mirror and show yourself the back of your head. Ask yourself whether you like it. Nod politely, because being English you'd never want to put yourself out of your way or cause offense or inconvenience.
Step 6: Keep going back to the mirror and regret having tried something so audacious repeatedly.
Step 7: Resolve never to try it again.
Step 8: Hoover up the hair on your bathroom floor.

Anyway, now a word from our sponsors, Flowbee, the Precision Home Hair Cutting Device...


sirhumphrey said...

Lawrence, you forgot to put in step 8!

8. Get the Wahl clippers and give yourself a no.1

This was my experience 5 years ago, yes I was poor before Gordon Brown, stiffed us all!! Since then I have bypassed steps 1-7 on a fortnightly basis and haven't looked back. Clippers cost £20 on ebay and hey presto loadsamoney to spend on beer and fags!

Elizabeth said...

I do all the hair cutting in my family...and no, I am not trained professionally...but I've watched enough people give me bad least I can do the same...actually, I have VERY curly hair so I can make lots of mistakes on myself without anyone noticing.
If this is to become a regular event for you...I too recommend the clippers!

pelerin said...

You'll have to take your hat off on Sunday - unless your parish priest issues you with a dispensation!

Our Lady of Good Success-pray for us. said...

I came up with my own haircut, even the name, 'Can you hack it!?' Turns out I could - five easy steps but your hair has to be down to your at least pony tail length to start with: pull back into pony tail, hack 1. Pull to left side of face pony tail, hack 2. pull to right side of face pony tail, hack 3. pull to top of head pony tail, hack 4, and pull to nose pony tail, hack five (don't include your nose).

daily adjustments with the snips for the next week will be required.

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