The Kind of Catholic Charismatic Conference I Would Consider Attending

A Priest walks into a Church packed with men and women, young and old...

"Lord, we just want to make a sacrifice of praise. May You ever be adored, worshipped and revered in Your holy Sanctuary, O beauty ancient and new. Lord, we just just want to lift Your Name on High and praise You, Allelulia. Lord, we pray for all the people here. We pray also for all those poor Souls in Purgatory, all the Priests who have served in Your Church in this parish and all our deceased brothers and sisters. Lord we praise You. Lord, we just want to honour and glorify You in Your Tabernacle, the place where You dwell. Let's all, now, brothers and sisters just genuflect before Our Blessed Lord in recognition that at the Name of Jesus every knee will bow. Lord, have mercy on us, Your people. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Lord, we just want to honour and revere these relics on the Altar, those of St Vincent, here, who suffered and was martyred for the sake of You and Your Holy Church. Lord, we pray that by the intercession of St Vincent, we may be given the courage to bear witness to You in Your Church and be made worthy of life everlasting, through Jesus Christ Our Lord, Amen. Amen. Pray for us St Vincent."

"Lord, we now just want to honour Mary, ever Virgin, the Holy Mother of God, who did merit to bear within her most pure and spotless womb the Lord of Lords and Most Holy Redeemer, the Lord Jesus Christ. O Mary, Mary. How sweet is your holy name. May your name be ever on our lips, Mary, Blessed and dear Mother. Pray for England, thy dowry, that all of our brothers and sisters may be joined in the One True Fold, under your mantle and under the reign of our beloved Pope, Benedict XVI. Lord, we pray for our Sovereign Pontiff. We pray, Lord, that he may be protected from all of his enemies and guarded from all the malicious intents of those who seek to undermine the Petrine authority, for Thou hast given him to us, to feed us, his lambs and his sheep. Lord we pray for all the Bishops, the Shepherds of Your flock that they may be holy and always wise. May they be bold in proclaiming the Gospel of Your Only Begotten Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ and always have a fatherly love for these children of their Dioceses. Lord, we pray for those in the Anglican community who seek full communion with the Holy See that they may be shown generosity by those in authority in the Church and be treated as loyal sons and daughters of the Church, so they may know that the One True Church is their true home and obtain life everlasting. Amen. Lord, we pray for those distanced from the Church of Rome, such as the SSPX, that through good will and negotiation, the Holy Spirit may heal the wounds within the Church. We just want to see these wounds healed, Lord and Thou alone canst heal them. Do I hear someone talking in tongues? Yes, yes I do. O Lord, it looks like someone here has a word for us tonight..."

(Choir starts up) "Kyrie eleison...Christe eleison."

"Has someone been given the gift of translation of the word? Yes, I hear it now. Lord, have mercy. I too am being given the ability to speak in tongues. I can feel it now. Here it comes. Gloria in excelsis Deo, in terra pax hominibus, laudamus te, benedicimus te, glorificamus te, gratias agimus tibi, propter magnum gloriam tuum...Yes, Lord, we want to praise You in the sacred language of Your Church."

(A congregation member groans with pain)

"Lord, I hear someone in pain. Is it a bad back? Yes, yes, it is a bad back. Lord we pray for that person with the bad back. May they, by the intercession of Blessed John Henry Cardinal Newman, be healed, but if it is not God's will, may they learn to offer the pain up for the Salvation of Souls and the Suffering Souls in Purgatory. Lord, I just pray that the people here will be generous for next week's collection for the Lourdes fund, so that she and all those in the parish who suffer ailments both spiritual and physical may be able to be washed in the waters of Lourdes, know the powerful intercession of the Blessed Mother of God and so draw closer to Her Divine Son."

"O Lord, I just want to pray for all those Priests in the United Kingdom who do not show Thee due reverence and who commit liturgical abuses. Lord, have mercy. Lord, we just pray that Bishops and Priests will be generous in implementing Summorum Pontificum and grant to the Faithful the beauty of the Mass of Ages, so that the two forms may mutually enrich one another and the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass may once more give Thee true reverence and worship in spirit and in truth. Lord, we pray for generosity from our Bishops and Priests in implementing the will of the Holy Father, that Priests may learn to say Mass in the Extraordinary Form and offer to the Faithful what was held holy for previous generations, so that we may hold this treasure holy as well. Lord, we pray. We pray that Altar Rails will make a return to the Church and that the Faithful will begin once more receiving Holy Communion on the tongue kneeling, as is the norm of the Universal Church. We pray that we will all deepen our love for You, Lord Jesus Christ, in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. May You be revered, O Lord, may Your Heart be loved, revered, honoured and glorified in every Tabernacle, in every Church, at every moment, around the whole world, even until the end of time. O Lord, we're just going to adore You now and have a half an hour of Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, O sweet Sacrament Divine, and half an hour of silence before You, the Great God, for verily Thou art a hidden God, O sublime Majesty..."

"O Lord, I can hear someone speaking in tongues..."

(Choir starts singing Adoremus in aeternum...)