Boyle to Bellahouston, Essex to Play Hyde Park?

With confirmation that Susan Boyle will be headlining at the Petrine Festival in Glasgow, sponsored by Peter's, purveryors of pies, pasties and savoury slices to the Faithful, details of the line-up for the Hyde Park Festival in London are yet to be confirmed.

According to my sources, Pete Doherty and Carl Barat of newly reformed rockers, The Libertines, were mute when asked to headline for Hyde Park, fearing a backlash reacton from fans. The Bishops of England and Wales also thought that their style of chaotic, electric guitar-led music would be, according to one source, "inappropriate."

So, after all, it looks very much as if it is all going to be down to David Essex to lead the Faithful in preparing the stage for Pope Benedict XVI at Hyde Park. "Don't knock David," said an insider, "There's a lot of spirituality in his music," said one key insider at Eccleston Square, "Hold me close, don't let me go," reminds us of God's unfailing love for us and what is Jesus if He is not the 'love light shining clearly'?' Jesus is, ultimately, our 'silver lining' in the clouds."