Brown to Seek 'Special Relationship' with Obama

It's been freezing recently in the UK and President Obama reportedly has the heating on to max constantly at the White House, while developing policies to make everyone feel guilty about global warming. Prime Minister Gordon Brown, as we know, is a tight, fiscally prudent chap and so he has been on a trip to Washington to cosy up to the new President of the United States as No. 10's heating bills are going through the roof. According to the Telegraph the trip to Washington 'came after Mr Brown praised Mr Obama for following his lead in tackling the economic crisis.'

'Mr Brown will present Mr Obama with a pen-holder carved from the timbers of HMS Gannet, which was launched in 1878. Downing Street said timbers from the Gannet's sister ship, HMS Resolute, were used to make the desk in the Oval Office.'

Mr Brown added: "What I want to talk about is the renewal of our relationship for new times. This is clearly a different world from 50 years ago and what we have to do is work more closely together. If America and Britain did the same or similar things to deal with the economy then the effect of that will be magnified by all of us doing it together and that's really where we want to get to. It's a world downturn, it's not American or British or European, so if you have a global problem then you need global solutions and working with America and the rest of Europe we can do this."

Thrill TV was present at the intimate dialogue that took place between the two global Premiers...

PM Brown: "Most high, President, Emperor and King of the Free World, on behalf of my country I wish to profess our undying love for you, who are probably the best thing since the breadknife was invented and man was finally able to slice his bread and enjoy his toast."

President Obama: "Gee, thanks. Keep it light, though Gord, I mean this is just my honeymoon period. I could still really screw up yet. I'm trying not to...just...I can't stop spending money. Problem I've always had! If ever there was a problem, just spend money on it even though it is clearly a total waste of time and the ship is sinking...just keep bailing out the water with a bucket!"

PM Brown: "There is a way out of the economic crisis, dearly beloved. We forge a renewal of our special relationship."

President Obama: "A special relationship? Oh gee, I mean, we've only just met. You've met me once or twice and already you want a special relationship? I don't know...Your country is sweet and all but there are so many other countries we could have a special relationship with, like China or some despotic regime in Africa. We had a special relationship with you a while ago and it all went wrong...It got messy, you know. I don't know if we can take that heartbreak again."

PM Brown: "No, this time it would be different. I'm a different guy to the man who stood here before. I've changed! The country has changed!"

President Obama: "They all say that. I've had special relationships before and got burned. You know, convicted terrorists, the leaders of Planned Parenthood and some dictator in Kenya. I hurt easy, you know. People think I'm strong...I'm not that strong and I bleed when I get cut too."

PM Brown: "But I believe in you Barack! The country believes in you!"

President Obama: "You don't understand, Gordon. I'm no good. Every special relationship I've had has gone wrong. Its not you...its me. It isn't that your nation isn't attractive. You are! I just can't handle a relationship right now. I need to protect myself. I need to protect the country."

PM Brown: "Protectionism isn't the answer, Barack. We've been down that road before and people got really hurt."

President Obama: "I can't help it, Gordon. I'm just not ready for a relationship and that's all there is too it. My country is better off alone. That way, nobody gets hurt."

PM Brown: "I know what it is. You don't think you're worth it. Well, you only get one shot at economic and military happiness in this life and God knows I'm not going to let you blow it just because you and your country have got self-esteem issues. I suppose there is someone else isn't there?! Someone better than our country and me? Go on! Who is it? Who have you been having special relationships with?!"

President Obama: "I-I...Okay, there is someone else. Its-Its...Well, I met this guy recently who might become the new President of Europe and he's got so much charisma. I fell for him straight away...I don't know what it was, the steadfast grin or the teflon suit, he's called Tony Bl-"

PM Brown: "What!? Him!? Are you mad!?"

President Obama: "I can't help it Gordon, its love at first sight. I can't help the way I feel! Also, my global dictatorship, err...I mean influence will be incredibly increased once I have the ears of the whole of Europe. They say that size doesn't matter but its not true...the United Kingdom is small in comparison."

PM Brown: "I don't believe it! President Obama you have broken my heart! You have broken my heart! I suppose he was better than me, was he?! What was he like between the speeches!? Good was he? Enjoy it did you?! What has he got that I haven't got?"

President Obama: "I'm sorry. In time you'll understand. We're just not compatible. I mean there are so many other presidents out there you can forge a special relationship with. There are plenty more fish in the sea. I know you'll find the one who is right for you soon. I'm sorry...I have to go. Thanks for the pen holder...it'll be really useful for holding my err...pens..."

PM Brown: "Yeah, thanks for nothing! Sweet dreams Princess! I hope he makes you happy! I really do, but I'm telling you this for nothing. He's no good! I know him!

President Obama: "Other presidents say that, but they just don't know him like I do."

PM Brown: Nobody will ever love you like I do...Go on then, go! Walk out the door! I faked every economic forecast! But darling...I-"