New Revised Editions of Timeless Classics (By Papal Decree, 2016)

A very different image of St Thomas emerges

Summa Theologica by St Thomas Aquinas 
(RRP £19.99)

To place our purpose within proper limits, we first endeavor to investigate the nature and extent of this sacred doctrine.

Concerning this there are ten points of inquiry:

Primo, de necessitate huius doctrinae.
(1) Whether it is necessary?

Secundo, utrum sit scientia.
(2) Whether it is a science?

Tertio, utrum sit una vel plures.
(3) Whether it is one or many?

Quarto, utrum sit speculativa vel practica.
(4) Whether it is speculative or practical?

Quinto, de comparatione eius ad alias scientias.
(5) How it is compared with other sciences?

Sexto, utrum sit sapientia.
(6) Whether it is the same as wisdom?

Septimo, quid sit subiectum eius.
(7) Whether God is its subject-matter?

Octavo, utrum sit argumentativa.
(8) Whether it is a matter of argument?

Nono, utrum uti debeat metaphoricis vel symbolicis locutionibus.
(9) Whether it rightly employs metaphors and similes?

Decimo, utrum Scriptura sacra huius doctrinae sit secundum plures sensus exponenda.
(10) Whether the Sacred Scripture of this doctrine may be expounded in different senses?
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1. Whether, besides philosophy, any further doctrine is required?

Come to think of it, I can't be arsed with this.  So I'm off to have gin and tonic.

Objection 1: You 'can't be arsed' with this? What kind of scholastic philosopher are you? And you a Doctor of the Church? Isn't there more to life than simple pleasures like relaxation and having a G and T?

Objection 2:  Haven't you got anything to say about sacred doctrine and the moral law, God, the nature of the universe, man's final destiny? Well? Can't you even tell us briefly? Yes or no?

On the contrary.  Listen my friend, I don't give binary answers to abstract questions!

Reply to Objection 1: Who are you to judge? Have you not discerned the matter and the times? Haven't you realised that this is the Francis pontificate and these things are just not considered important anymore? Consider if you will the flux of life and see within it that black and white is simply unhelpful. Shades of grey, my friend. That's what you're lacking. Do you have psychological issues or something?

Reply to Objection 2: Listen my friend, you're questions were very relevant until 2013, but we're in a new era now. If the Pope can't give binary answers to abstract questions I don't consider that I have to either. Catch my drift? Besides, it really depends on what you mean by such terms as 'sacred' and 'doctrine'. These terms are a little archaic. Don't be a doctor of the law! And don't be rigid!

I answer that this is all a bit too much for me at the moment. You know full well yourself that there are some times in life when, quite simply, alcohol is the answer. This is the Francis pontificate. This is one of those times. Everything I had written in the first edition I had considered compared to the love of God as straw. Despite describing Amoris Laetitia as 'Thomistic' he is proving to the Church that he considers my works to be as straw as well. Binary answers to abstract questions are out. Fleeting trivialities and the dictatorship of relativism are in. So let's just leave it there shall we?

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A Catechism of Christian Doctrine (Penny Catechism)
(RRP: £3.95)

1. Who made you?
Do we really have to go there? Well, I know that Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor, Cardinal Daneels and Cardinal Kasper helped, there was a group of them, but I said to them, "No, no! Don't go vote canvassing for me!I don't want it! But if you insist - . And the rest is history. They got their man."

2. Why did God make you?
I find this question unhelpful. There are more important matters, more urgent issues. One must discern the flow of life. However, don't be afraid of surprises, because I have the humility and the ambition to act audaciously, boldly in carrying out a programme of radical reform within the Church, whose loyal son I remain. It's the Communists who think like Christians, after all.

3. To whose image and likeness did God make you?
Cardinal Schonborn's interpretation is the correct one.

4. Is this likeness to God in your body or your soul?
I don't give binary answers to abstract questions.

5. How is your soul like to God?
This is beautiful. Beautiful! In fraternity!

6. What do you mean when you say your soul is immortal?
What I mean is that dialogue is the key. Always dialogue. Forward. Always forward.

7. Of what must you take most care, your body or your soul?
I don't give binary answers to abstract questions. Shall we leave it there? May I recommend instead my new exhortation Amoris Laetitia? But ask Cardinal Schonborn for the correct interpretation because his is the right one.