Catholeaks Causes Global Sensation!

Evidence of a leak at the heart of the Vatican?
Senior figures in the Catholic Church are reeling from embarrassing new revelations exposed by Catholeaks, the website founded by controversial independent journalist, Justin Ordinarytime.

The leaks, obtained from cables between Bishops Conferences and the Holy See have sent shockwaves through the universal Church with papal nuncios in uproar, expressing grave concerns that in future their contacts will find it hard to trust them.

The leaks published so far reveal discord in Rome and clashes of personality in the Catholic Church and between the Church and other "ecclesial communities" around the globe. The most explosive leak concerns divisions in the Vatican over liturgical celebration, ecumenical dialogue and, in general, Catholicism. Mr Ordinarytime said of the revelations, "My sources are very credible. I can't give away the names and identities of these sources, but suffice to say that they are at the heart of the Vatican and the Bishops Conferences and there are more big revelations to come."

'Magic Circle'

Hard on the heels of the sensational leak from Rome to L'Osservatore Romano concerning the Supreme Pontiff's words on the use of condoms by those in the sex industry being the "first step in the direction of a moralisation" of sexuality, in the interview-cum-book, Light of the World, new leaks emerging this week suggest that all is not well between Bishops Conferences and the direction of the Church believed to be wisest by the Holy Father.

Bishops "hopeful the leeks are Fairtrade"
Particularly embarrassing to the Bishop's Conference of England and Wales is the suggestion made by some diplomats in the Church that outside of what has been dubbed the "Magic Circle", there is not much salvation. Nor, it is alleged, is there any of substance inside of it.

'Spiritual Decay'

In matters liturgical and ecumenical, the Bishops Conference, with its hoards of well-paid committees and sub-committees, is markedly liberal in theology, ambivalent towards the new Anglican Ordinariate, truculent towards traditional liturgy, weak in the face of an atheistic secular government, lacking in spiritually strong leadership and arguably guilty of presiding over what one insider described as 'the dilution and spiritual decay of the Catholic Faith in the United Kingdom'.

Mr Ordinarytime, who is said to be wanted by Dutch authorities for assaulting several liturgical dancers, defends his position on the grounds of Catholic orthodoxy. "All I am doing," he said, "is defending the Church as founded by Christ upon the Rock of St Peter and the Apostles. Our Lord did not have a problem with truth. He is the Truth. He said that the truth would set us free, therefore, I do not understand why people have such a negative response to truth when it is revealed. We rejoice in the truth."

In response to the latest revelations, the Bishops Conference of England and Wales declined to be interviewed, but did issue a formal statement, making it clear that 'the Bishops hope that the leeks under discussion are Fairtrade.'

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Comments

Left-Footer said…
Just.....brilliant!
catholic pragmatist said…
You're the only who thinks so left-footer. it's pathetic rubbish.
Two opinions...each different...which one to choose... Hmmm...tricky!
georgem said…
Nice one, Lozza
epsilon said…
Go for brilliant, Bones!