Dear Auntie

Dear BBC,

Watching Strictly Come Dancing, I am certain, falls under 'watching an immodest show', so as a Catholic I know this is an occasion of sin.

Still, I do wonder how the Biased Bastion of Corruption (BBC) manage to get away with running a TV programme for nearly ten years without a same-sex dancing couple.

How does it get away with this flagrant discrimination and refusal to acknowledge diversity? Is there something about same-sex dancing which somehow lacks complementarity? Are you saying same-sex dancing is unnatural? Is there something deficient in same-sex dancing? Or are you worried a same-sex dancing couple would cause viewers to turn off? Why do you insist that some activities require one man and one woman? I can't believe such bigotry existing in the 21st century. Are you a bunch of medievalists?

I do love Bruce Forsythe - so smooth - such a perennial pro - the consummate performer - but how is it that Bruce gets to become ancient and craggy, but his 'lovely assistant' has always to be young, usually blond and beautiful. Oh, the rank hypocrisy of the BBC! Why don't you just cancel 'Women's Hour' and put a septuagenarian woman alongside Bruce instead, otherwise its all just words, isn't it? Are you saying that old women can't be 'lovely assistants'? Are you perhaps the most sexist organisation in modern Britain? There are lots of elderly women who would love to be Bruce's assistant. Why not give them a job?

Also, I hope you've cleaned out your corporation of paedos and sex offenders. Since the 70s, you must have been running the biggest paedo ring since time began. Still, don't let that stop you banging on about the sex abuse crisis in the Catholic Church and linking the word 'Catholic priesthood' to 'child sex abuse' at every opportunity.

Yours truly,

Outraged of Sussex

p.s I've always wondered how much cocaine is delivered to Broadcasting House in one week? Is there any way of finding out?