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A study by two eminent medical ethicists is to be published next week in a highly esteemed medical journal which comes to an astonishing conclusion that governments around the World are now considering implementing.

The French ethicist, Professor Eugene Isyst and an Italian ethicist Professor Nazzi Salute, have concluded, following intense debate on the issue of personhood, that on the face of Planet Earth, there is not a single 'actual person' in existence and that in the light of a recent article in a medical journal, there are no human beings and no rights therefore attributable to them.

Professor Nazzi Salute said, "We realised, in the light of recent academic papers suggesting that neither unborn children, nor newborn children are 'actual persons', that there is every likelihood that both governments and societies, since the evolution of what we now understand to be as the homosapien species, have failed to grasp the issue of personhood in its entirety and therefore conclude that there is not a single 'actual human' on Earth. It is only logical, therefore, that clinics be set up around the globe for all non-persons, a status which is now attributable to the entire human race, to visit in order to be aborted."

The startling conclusion by the ethicists drew criticism from pro-lifers who attacked have attacked the forthcoming paper as further evidence of a culture of death and a 'blueprint for the extermination of the entire human race'. Governments around the World, as well as the UN, are considering the conclusions and many are said to be considering the creation of new facilities which will enable all the peoples of the World to be terminated. One Conservative Government minister is reported to have said, "We welcome this paper as an interesting contribution to the debate on how we can solve the deepening economic crisis. This government is of the view that the scope of the ethicists's research conclusion is a little too wide, but we are open to the possibility that it is highly likely that people earning less than £35,000 a year could be described as 'not actual persons'."

Comments

umblepie said…
You're a month early Laurence. Today is March 1st, not April 1st!
pattif said…
No he isn't. This isn't a joke.