Signs and Wonders

The Holy Father reportedly placed on his door a sign to deter complaining which, according to press reports, gave him much amusement. Apparently it was given to him by a psychoanalyst who was granted a papal audience.

The sign which basically told anyone 'whining' who wished to make a complaint to 'get a life' was apparently placed there as a 'joke' by the Pope. However, in the light of the abuse crisis and the dubia submitted by the four Cardinals and especially in light of the fact that the remaining three Cardinals have not been granted an audience with the Pope it is a joke made in poor taste, but then poor taste is a trademark of this pontificate.

I couldn't help but wonder whether the sign pictured above, in the light of the all-night spree of sodomy and cocaine which was reported to have taken place at Cardinal Coccopalmerio's flat, might be now more appropriate.

After all, if heavy petting it isn't acceptable in a public swimming pool (it certainly wasn't in my day), it surely cannot be acceptable in the Vatican among those who live in such close proximity to the Pope, but more than this, priests who offer the most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass on a daily basis. That said there are probably other swimming pool signs that are worth considering for the Holy Father's door and around his office:

'Petting', especially the forbidden 'heavy petting', is always to be discouraged among the young with racing hormones who are easily led-astray, but outside of the liturgical 'kiss of peace' Vatican employees too should be discouraged from such things. We have 'pushing', whereby new and strange doctrines are pushed upon the Catholic Faithful in order to confuse them or plant within their minds seeds of confusion and doubt as to the inerrancy of Church teaching.

We have 'shouting', which apparently His Holiness has been known to do when things don't go as planned during Synods. 'Running' and 'ducking'? Well, some might suggest His Holiness is running and ducking from certain questions asked of him by certain Cardinals concerning whether the Pope is or would like to remain a Catholic or not, but such unruly behaviour is commonplace, too, among those who champion unorthodox opinions from Rome. A great way to 'run' and 'duck' is to block someone on Twitter who has questioned your viewpoint, a fantastic way of ending an unfruitful 'dialogue'.

We then have a request to refrain from 'acrobats and gymnastics', which some of Pope Francis's poor advisers have to perform publicly in order to justify the liberal interpretations of Amoris Laetitia (please step forward Cardinal Schonborn, Fr Rosica of Salt and Light TV, Fr Antonio Spadaro et al) as well as the other strange things we hear from the Francis camp nowadays. How many twists and turns has Austen Iveriegh also had to perform on Twitter. He should be in the Olympics by now.

And as for 'bombing', well I guess that's what happens to your credibility when you do all of the above but let us leave 'diving' alone since among a certain powerful lobby in Rome, imaginations are probably sent wild even by such innocuous language. Perhaps such deterrent signs will be something for Francis's Successor to place around the Vatican. I do hope nobody in Rome among the Pope's entourage is offended. They should follow His Holiness who models calm and serenity for his employees. It's just a little joke, after all. It brought me amusement!

And Fathers, if you want to print out the sign below for your parish to instruct your employees and parishioners, please do feel free. Let us not allow a good old Vatican gay sex and drugs scandal go to waste, when all can learn from the mistakes of the emerging Renaissance Court in Rome.