Monday, 4 February 2013

Opium of the Masses

A new poll by Catholic Syringes suggests it is neither...
A recent poll undertaken by a controversial group campaigning for the legalisation of smack, Catholic Syringes, has found that neither opium, nor religion is the opium of the people.

In answer to the question, 'Is Mass the opium of the masses, or is it opium or something else entirely?' the poll showed that 99.8% of British people find neither to be the opiate of choice.

The famous quote from German economist, Karl Marx, that religion is the 'opium of the masses' has, since the 20th century, been widely suspected of being entirely false, but the new Catholic Syringes poll suggests that these suspicions are well founded.

The top 50 opiates of the masses, according to the controversial poll, are as follows. The place of heroin and religion are marked in bold, orange to indicate the level of priority they take in the lives of ordinary British citizens.

  1. Keeping abreast of the lives of celebrities online
  2. Facebook/#Twitter/Other social networking sites
  3. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
  4. Money
  5. Career
  6. Coffee
  7. Tea
  8. Wines and spirits
  9. Beer
  10. Cigarettes
  11. The internet in general
  12. Sexual experimentation
  13. Divorce
  14. News and current affairs
  15. Artificial contraception 
  16. Indian and Chinese takeaways
  17. Fashion/new clothing
  18. The BBC 
  19. Lifestyle magazines
  20. New developments in laptop technology
  21. Mobile phone 'apps
  22. Online dating
  23. Musical downloading 
  24. Masturbation
  25. Online pornography
  26. Coronation Street 
  27. Abortion
  28. Football and 'transfer gossip'
  29. Cocaine 
  30. Blogging 
  31. Tomato Ketchup
  32. The NHS
  33. Not settling down with one 'partner' for life
  34. The inordinate love of the welfare State
  35. Fish and chips
  36. Woman's Hour
  37. Hating foreigners
  38. Different cheeses
  39. Sunday Roasts
  40. Communism (aka Equality)
  41. Marijuana
  42. Anti-aging creams
  43. Political gossip
  44. Sky TV
  45. IVF
  46. Programmes presented by David Attenborough or Brian Cox
  47. Eastenders
  48. Political activism
  49. Heroin 
  50. Religion

A spokesperson for Catholic Syringes said of the poll, "We found these results very surprising, but then, we were out of it while the results were coming through".

1 comment:

Physiocrat said...

Where is sport on the list?

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