Friday, 22 March 2013

Million Man March to Take Place on St Peter's Square

Promotional poster for the million man march...
Traditional Catholics, sadly unable to organise even a whimper of a protest at 'same-sex marriage' or a mass demonstration against the industrial scale slaughter of the unborn taking place on their home soil are organising a million man march on Rome in order to bring back the papal red shoes.

For the pilgrimage event, dubbed 'Red Shoes Day', the marchers have as their chief aim the reinstatement of the papal red shoes signifying that the Pope walks in the Blood of Christ and the blood of His Martyrs and hope that if a million men and women turn up in St Peter's Square in red shoes, His Holiness Pope Francis will see that not only do these shoes look perfectly pleasant but that they can be bought for a price that is right.

"We know the Holy Father wants his shoes to be modest and humble," said one traditionalist commenter on the site Rorate Caeli, "but we aim to prove that red shoes do not have to be expensive. For instance, you can get some Christian Louboutin mens cadaques suede red shoes for just £98.00 at the moment. That's right. That is a massive saving of 72% off the original price! This would mean that the Holy Father could give the 72% saved on these comfortable and stylish red shoes to the poor of Rome! We know that the Pope is the Successor of St Peter, but if His Holiness has decided not to wear the red shoes, then we have to urge him to do so. If he still refuses, then others will have to wear red shoes for him! Someone around here has to wear red shoes. If he's not going to do it, then we most certainly will!"

A traditionalist gears up for the march on Rome
Another traditionalist commenter on the site had this to say: "All we need is His Holiness's shoe size and then we will be happy to give him a pair of cheap and humble red shoes so that the continuity of the papacy in terms of red shoes will be secure. We are happy to buy the red shoes for His Holiness and deliver them to Mgr Marini by hand!"

Another said: "We know that if we give them to Mgr Marini, His Holiness will definitely get them. I'm also happy to spend the day in Rome, having passed on the gift of some terribly modest red shoes to the Pope, made, as they were, by people who were paid fair wages, washing the feet of the poor and doing works of mercy all over the place. If the Holy Father really doesn't want me to come and spend money on getting to Rome, I can always post them for the attention of the Master of Ceremonies and send the money I would have spent on travelling to the local homeless shelter. Oh good God! I would be only too happy to do this!"

Women, too, are expected to turn up in their hundreds of thousands to attend the million man march on St Peters and at a local traditionalist meeting in London catalogues with many different kinds of red shoes were distributed among the Faithful for ladies to browse. Within minutes an entire lorryload of assorted red shoes arrived at the parish hall. Some of the traditionalist women have even ordered six different types of red shoes, leaving their husbands confused as to what reason there could be for such a variety. In one parish hall in a London Catholic Church, health and safety regulations are said to be in danger of being broken, because since the rallying cry for red shoes has been released, "you cannot move for red shoes".

A parish hall in London prepares for the big march on 'Red Shoes Day'
One husband and father said, "I know I'm traditional in my outlook on life, but I still cannot fathom why she needs so many pairs of shoes. That said, if only our beloved Holy Father would take a more varied approach to his shoe collection as my wife does, I guess we would not have to be descending in our tens of thousands upon the Eternal City!"

It is suggested that on arrival the million traditionalists may sing David Bowie's 'Let's Dance' in which the lyrics suggest, 'Let's Dance/Put on your red shoes and dance the blues.' Naturally, this modern hit will be sung in Latin so that all tourists in Rome understand the message.

As yet, Vatican spokesperson Fr Lombardi has made no official comment on the plans.


Amfortas said...

Is this a spoof?

Amfortas said...

Oh I see, it's an early April Fool post.

pelerin said...

Love it - by the time I got to 'you can't move for red shoes' I was laughing out loud!

Yes all this negative criticism of the Holy Father is becoming ridiculous. It seems to be the curse of today's instant communication.

In days gone by at the announcement of a new Pope his name was at first all we knew about him. Gradually over the months and years we learnt more. Now the new Pope is under the immediate spotlight of critical Catholics who are scrutinising him on every detail of what he wears and what he does. Can't we accept him as he is - and be grateful that there weren't giant puppets and balloons at the Mass on Tuesday? Now that would have been something to mention.

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The Bones said...



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