Friday 5 December 2014

Diocese of Arundel and Brighton Caves in to 'Traditional Forces'

On loan for Festival 50: This baroque High Altar is to be the borrowed for Ad Orientem worship at the 'Golden Jubilee.' The move has widely been reported as a conciliatory gesture towards traditional Catholics in the region.

Stung by recent criticism over Festival 50, the Diocese of Arundel and Brighton have agreed to an sumptuous, gilded High Altar to be winched into the AMEX stadium for Sung Pontifical High Mass with Archbishop Peter Smith.

A spokesperson for the Diocese said, "It is a costly exercise, hiring fifteen helicopters to move this French baroque masterpiece on loan from a Parisian Church which cannot be named, but after recent reflection, we felt the Diocese had also to cater for the traditional Catholic community residing in the region."

The first helicopter arrives off the Sussex coast
Residents of Sussex and Surrey were divided in their opinion over the High Altar with several voicing dismay that the High Altar, "is not quite baroque enough", while others welcomed the news with impromptu Te Deums and Marian antiphons sung in Latin.

One Catholic resident of Brighton and Hove said, "This really is a wonderful day for the Diocese and goes to show the level of respect Arundel and Brighton has for those who prefer the Extraordinary Form of the Mass for the worship of Almighty God. We thank those who have organised the event for considering the beauty of Catholic worship and for considering the Glory of God in their plans for the Brighton and Hove Albion football club-based liturgical extravaganza. This makes up, in some measure, for years of disastrous catechism and poor liturgical direction coming from those in authority in the Diocese."

Quite how the liturgical masterpiece will fit in with the Paul Inwood Mass setting (unlike the rest of this post, this is no joke, apparently!) for Festival 50, however, has not yet been discussed by the Diocese of Arundel and Brighton. It can only be a complete co-incidence that Paul Inwood's wife is Diocesan Liturgy Advisor here in Arundel and Brighton. Catholics in the region are hoping that the Diocese can 'pull back from the brink' on the music commissioned and replace it with the relevant Chant for the Mass of the day in the traditional calendar. While welcoming the High Altar, many traditional Catholics are upset that Paul Inwood's "music" is said to be "here to stay".


Pelerin said...

Thanks for the laugh - if we don't laugh at this event we would be inclined to weep. And now I know that Inwood's music is going to be used I am definitely not going to attend.

I shall remain with my memories of attending the enthronement of the first Bishop of A and B fifty years ago. At least that celebration was recognisably Catholic.

John Vasc said...

Paul Inwood?! Gosh, that name has definitely tipped the scales, finely balanced though they naturally were.

I'd been really looking forward to the Guess My Weight in Candy Floss EMHC competition, the 'Laying of Diocesan Lay Advisors End to End' Charity event, and the eagerly-awaited 'Elect Your Own Pope' Seminar.

And with the new larger altar, surely there would now be enough space on it to put an end to that vexing 'where can I put my handbag down?' conundrum one so often witnesses before Communion (or 'communion' as Bishop Cupich prefers to call it).

But now with the news that musical accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, sorry, I mean by Paul Inwood, I've just remembered I have some urgent gravel-eating and cess-pit cleaning out to do that day...

Anonymous said...

Gosh, Bones, you really won’t let this go, will you! Tell you what: I shall come down there for the festival, frogmarch you into the stadium, buy you a book on the Liturgical Movement and you can try out the bouncy castle. Then I’ll take you to the nearest (non-gay, this is Brighton after all) pub and get you drunk to take the pain away.

I think John Vasc has some ideas the Church could work with. In fact, looking ahead to the next conclave (as you do!)it could be done by eliminating candidates one by one, perhaps by public vote. It could be branded as "I'm Papabile - get me out of here!".

Anonymous said...

This event is a travesty. An egregious scandal. A danger to souls.

Pelerin said...

Hurrah - they have found a Catholic Bishop to attend the celebrations! He is not British (unfortunately!) but an American whose diocese is in Peru. There is a link from Eccles today to the A and B site which has the name of the added Bishop. Also added are films though no details given. Shall keep my eyes on the diocesan site!

Pelerin said...

And the name of Archbishop Peter is now on the site celebrating the Mass with Cardinal Cormac. Things are improving!

'Key guests will be the people of A and B.'

I wonder if someone in high places has been reading your blog?

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