"You join me here, in London, with four Priests. They're names, identities and parishes, however, cannot be revealed, lest they become outcasts in their own Dioceses. So, Fathers, what are your plans for today?"
Father A: "Well, having prayed the Divine Office this morning and having offered the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, Ad Orientem of course, we've decided to spend the day denouncing people with views contrary to the Faith, correcting error and heresy where we find it, as well as being generous and charitable to sinners, extending the Kingdom of God and being a source of refuge for the poor."
"I see. And where do you begin this day?"
Father C: "Right here, in Clifford Walk, outside the offices of The Giblet. Fathers, get your banners out, and your copies of The Giblet. Father, petrol and flame, please."
Father B: "Right away, Father. Oh, I have been looking forward to this, for such a long time."
"The Priests are now setting fire to copies of The Giblet."
Father A: "Burn! Burn! Go back, O Giblet, to the everlasting fire from whence you came!"
"Father A is jumping up and down on The Giblet. Tell me, Fathers, why do you loathe this publication?"
Father D: "Well, its the antithesis of what the Church is about, really. Every moral issue, every aspect of the Magisterium and every article of Faith is a matter for debate for these types, from the defense of the unborn child to priestly celibacy to homosexuality to women's ordination, when, in fact, the Church has already spoken. Holy Mother Church's Teachings are not mere human reasoning. They are of Divine origin. Everything revealed to the Church has been revealed by God, through Our Lord Jesus Christ, fully human and fully God, passed down to the Apostles, by the will of the Eternal Father and under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. This publication is ran by heretics for heretics and we have to stamp it and its diabolical power over the souls of the Church out, lest it drag souls into Hell. This is a work of mercy. That is why I am stamping on it while it lies in flames on the floor. Ouch. Our Blessed Saviour did not establish His Church on the Rock of St Peter so that souls he cherishes be confused as to His Gospel, the message of Salvation and place themselves in great danger of the Judgement. Scandal will come, but woe to the ones who bring it about! Yet, for the contributing staff and editorial team and for those who support it, Salvation is not enough. They want a new Gospel, based on man, new theories of Christ, new theories of the Mass, new human ideologies diluting or changing the Gospel of Our Saviour. Pope Benedict wants us to recognise dissent for what it is. These amateurs wouldn't recognise dissent if it came up to them dressed as a transexual nun in a rainbow smock selling a load of condoms and hard drugs asking, furtively, "Want any dissent and pills?"
"Father B, I read that your banner says, 'Gibula Delenda Est'."
Father B: "Indeed it does. 'The Giblet must be destroyed' and so it must. Down with The Giblet and your evil, heretical ways! Before the Throne of God, you will have to answer for the heresies with which you have infected the souls of the Faithful, from layman to Bishop! How many souls have been lost because of reading bad magazines and yours in particular!? Repent! I'll hear your Confessions, gladly! I'm feeling peckish, shall we do lunch?"
"You join us walking down a high street to a nearby fish restaurant."
Father C: "Yes, always fish on Fridays."
"Fathers, some say you are misunderstood in the Catholic Church. Is this true?"
Beggar: "Ah God bless you, Fathers, have you any spare change for the love of God?!"
Father A: "Gold and silver have I none, but, here you go, my man, here's £20!"
Father D: "Yes, we are misunderstood. We desire what Our Blessed Lord desires. When Our Saviour hung bleeding, dying for us on the Cross and said, "I thirst", it was not for water that He thirsted, but for souls! It is souls for which Our Lord thirsts! He wishes to enkindle a fire that spreads throughout the Earth, of burning love for Him, so that men may not live for themselves and for earthly pleasures alone, but for Him! A burning fire of Charity, that is what Our Lord has in His Sacred Heart for men! We are missionaries for God, bringing the Salvation of God to men and women. What could the human heart long for but Jesus? Nothing else on Earth can satisfy the human heart but Jesus!"
Father A: "The problem is that within Holy Mother Church the Laity and even Priests and Bishops are creating God in their own image and likeness. The Lord understands us, that is true, He came and dwelt with us and was made Man, that is true, but He is still God. He is merciful, rich in love and compassion but He is still Judge of souls, of mankind and we Priests, we are sent forth to preach the Gospel, to enkindle within men and women a desire for holiness of life, to reconcile man to God, to save, through the ministry of the Church that which was lost, to glorify Him, to bear witness to the Truth, to give mankind the Truth that saves us. We do mankind no service by not telling the Truth, no matter what issue is at stake. No, we do a great disservice if we lead men astray and before God we shall answer, if we leave the people of God confused. We desire what Jesus desires! The salvation of souls! We preach repentance for the forgiveness of sins, in the Church."
"And what about the Mass? Some say you are always banging on about the Traditional Latin Mass? Why is that?"
Father B: If I may, Fathers. Since the 1960s the 'spirit of Vatican II' has been used as an excuse for all kinds of liturgical innovations which, as well as being wholly unnecessary, have detracted from the entire point of the Mass: the worship of Almighty God. Somehow, this sense of reverence and awe of the Presence of Christ has been lost, diminished because of human innovations. At the centre of the Mass is Christ, not the community. It is an honour for the community of God to be present, of course, and we should be there as regularly as we can since it pertains to our salvation. The desire to place, at the heart of the Mass, the community of God, however, above Christ, is irregular, it is unhealthy for us, spiritually, but, more importantly, detracts from the honour and glory that is God's alone. Hang on, phone call. O hello, Maria. Yes, yes. Yes, do. Of course I'll hear your Confession when I get back to the Church. 5pm? Yes, that's fine. God bless."
Father C: The Church reflects on Earth that which is taking place in Heaven. At Mass, the supreme Sacrifice of Calvary, the merits of which alone win our salvation, takes place in an unbloody manner on the Altar. This is the eternal moment, the moment of Consecration, at the hands of the Priest, standing in the Person of Christ, in which we are at the foot of the Cross! It is not a time for dancing, a time for bizarre innovations! We are in a moment of Eternity, in which Christ's Passion, Death and Resurrection is made manifest to us, and not just that, but what we are to receive, if we are in a State of Grace, is no sign or symbol, but the very Body and Blood, Soul, Humanity and Divinity of Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is the most Precious thing, if you can possibly call it that, on Earth. It is God! This is why the Holy Father encourages and himself gives Communion kneeling on the tongue. Many of our brother Priests and even some Bishops consider us mad for believing and communicating that belief to others, the belief in the Real Presence that has served the Church for centuries, far longer than the alterations to the Mass caused by the wild interpretations of the Second Vatican Council. Pope Benedict has liberated the celebration of the Traditional Latin Mass. It's important. A watershed moment for the whole Church. Through it, vocations will increase and God will make many Saints."
Father A: "We're here. I'm having scampi."