Parts of Venice have been hit by flooding in what climate doom-mongerers say is 'conclusive proof of global warming'. Luigi Smelifishi (pictured above) said, "I've lost everything. All I have now is this seabass from my fridge. It was all I could retrieve." Silvio Berlusconi meanwhile has declared a state of national emergency saying, "I haven't been laid for three whole days! Also, my heart goes out to Venetians at this sad time."
A spokesperson for the reputable and highly esteemed University of East Anglia climate research department said, "Our data show clearly that this is a first. According to our data, Venice has never been flooded before. This is proof if ever it were needed that the sea levels are rising and amounts to conclusive proof of global warming."
When asked to hand over the department's data for rigourous scientific scrutiny, the spokesperson said simply, "No can do, I'm afraid! We shredded it a few days ago."
Obama's 'Science Czar', John Holdren, on seeing this photographic evidence of the historic floods in San Marco's Piazza said, "For Heaven's sake! Will nobody help these poor creatures?! Just look at the misery on their faces! This is all our doing! Together we can stop this tragedy! Here, take this suicide pill for yourself and have your daughters sterilised as soon as you can."