Has Labour 'Lost It'?

Dunno. But this guy surely has. Lucky it wasn't the Yellow Pages who sided with the Tories! He should have got one of those shredding machines on the platform! Or even better, taken a match to The Sun, put it in the dustbin and continued with his speech, causing a small fire and widespread panic in the auditorium...Okay, now I'm being silly. Those Labour Party people though, eh?! They don't like it up 'em!

10 Days to Go...

Well, there are 10 days to go until St Mary Magdalen's Church makes the pilgrimmage to visit the relics of St Therese of Lisieux at Aylesford Priory, Kent. I for one, can barely wait! We had 35 places on a coach and I believe we may have, at the most, one or two seats available. If there are a couple more I always have the car. It will be an early start at 7.45am but it should give us some time to get there early in preparation.

After all the bad columns written about the Little Flower, who it has to be said, was perfectly delightful to everyone, I was heartened today to read a calm and well-written piece in The Independent on how the veneration of the relics is going on her tour. Maybe one or two miracles associated with her this week as well!

Gordon Brown's Big Brother

He looks like Gordon, sounds like Gordon, makes the same hand gestures as Gordon and he is watching you. Especially all you single mothers. Oh yes! It's off to Care Homes for you so you can raise your children under constant supervision of the State. Don't rely on your family, your parents or grandparents for help. It's for your own good and for society's good!

So, remember single mothers, if you decide to have your baby at 16, and that's a big if, given that you're going to be shunted into a Moat housing estate if you do, surrounded by men and women watching you like hawks, that Big Brother Gordon and Gordon's Care Homes will be here for you...waiting...and watching...and waiting!...but mostly watching! Cracking. Either this idea will halve teen pregnancies and instill a mindset of abstinence in the young or abortions are about to skyrocket because it will soon become apparant that Social Services are watching the single mothers so intently and waiting for them to make a mistake so intently, because they want to find any excuse they can to give their children to gay couples who want to adopt.

And, is it just me, or is Gordon Brown courting the BNP vote?



That'll be a yes then. That repulsive flag is back! Yep! It must be a recession!

Brown: "Mandy! It's an emergency! We're shafted at the next election? What are we going to do!?"

Mandelson: "It's time to wheel out the big guns,Gordy. I want you to stand in front of the Union Jack and appeal to a sense of national pride, because, my man...it's all we have left. Oh, and do as much as you can to appeal to the middle classes. Convince them that its all the fault of the very rich and lazy and the very poor and lazy and that 'honest, hard working Brits' are the guys you want to help. Believe me, Gord. This has NEVER been known to fail. We need Daily Mail readers! Yep! All those people who hate us because we've Ed Ballsed up the nation's civil liberties - we need them now and what is more, we need them quicker than a Big Mac at a Drive Thru, because The Sun have just kneed us in the knackers so hard this Party won't be walking for days, possibly weeks!"

Everyone knows The Sun are kingmakers. I wish I could feel sorry for the Labour Party, but I'll be as glad to see the back of them as I was seeing the Tories get their behinds whipped out of power last time they were in. Power corrupts, they say, and let's face it, that was 1997. It didn't take long for power to corrupt the Labour Party after the wilderness years. I doubt very much the Tories will have learned their lesson, but still, a change is as good, if not better, than a rest. Most people, I think, hated the Tories back in 1997 because they were just seen as being a bit mean to the poor and needy, ordinary workers too, a bit like old Scrooge. Hence Cameron does his, 'Hey, everybody! I'm nice!' act.

The Labour Party, if they lose the next election will probably go away licking their wounds and take everything into stock and decide that the biggest mistake they made was that they didn't interfere in people's lives enough. I saw a cavalcade tonight, one sleek black car, with police motorbikes and a couple of cars behind and in front of it, while I was driving around in town and I thought to myself, '**** me! How's anyone in a car like that, with all that security going to have a clue what's going on on the ground in communities in the UK?' Fact is, he, whoever he is, PM or not, doesn't have a clue because their lives are totally divorced from ours, which is exactly what we were talking about after Mass today. Anyway...

Peter to Enter the 'Three Lions' Den

"What?! England?! Are you having a laugh!?"

Pope Benedict XVI must feel as happy about coming to England, the 'Three Lions Den' as St Peter was about being told by Christ to go back to Rome along the Appian Way. Perhaps the Three Lions now represent Atheism, the Culture of Death and Anti-Catholicism.

I fear that the Holy Father may face protests on a large scale, such is the secular, atheistic outrage in the UK towards the 'scandal' of the Successor of St Peter. For evidence of it, click here and look at Tanya Gold's Guardian article on the visit and some of the comments below. I hope that the Holy Father's words are not drowned out by the hoardes of men and women who scream the same sort of diabolical diatribes that were shouted when Nero condemned St Peter to being crucified for the love of Christ.

Peter Tatchell Comes Out Fighting...

...and he doesn't care who gets hurt.

David Lindsay has posted an interesting riposte to Peter Tatchell's call for a lowering of the age of consent to 14.

Peter Tatchell is a militant homosexual. He is an advocate and promoter of homosexuality. He is a political homosexual, some would say a political 'animal'. Infact, as a 'human rights campaigner' his entire public career has been defined by promoting homosexuality and its practise as a human rights campaign. Anyone who disagrees with Mr Tatchell on his position, to him, is a fascist. As far as he is concerned, UK laws on homosexuality will never go far enough and must be relaxed as much as possible lest people become criminalised on account of their actions. His organisations and political efforts were demonstrable in the lowering of the age of consent for homosexuals and doubtless, too, for UK civil partnerships.

But, as self-appointed 'human rights leader' Tatchell has not stopped there. No. He now campaigns to lower the age of consent for sexual intercourse to 14. That's right 14. His reasons? Well, having listened to him on the radio the other day it appears that once more he sees the great punishment of illegality as criminalisation. 14 year olds are having sex, he says, and he is doubtless quite right, so why criminalise them for having sexual intercourse?

Well that is rather painting the situation black. Laws, just like laws against assisted suicide which people wish to see swept away, are there to protect individuals, rather than punish them. Teenagers are vulnerable to predators, just like the elderly are vulnerable to people taking advantage of them and encourage them to die. Yet, people like Tatchell cannot see this. Every law is about restriction on human freedom, rather than the protection of the innocent, and just like assisted suicide the law on the age of consent is open to abuse along with the children who could become its victims - the victims of coersion, abuse and sexual overtures from others for experiences of which they are not yet physically, emotionally or spirtually ready.

I am assuming that when sex education, for instance, is taught in schools that teachers state categorically (even while filling children's minds with erotic imagery and condoms) that the legal age of consent is 16, so that, should they choose to have sex with someone they are committing a criminal offense. This also protects the young from older sexual predators who wish to have their way with younger girls, or even, as seen recently from the public case of a teacher, young boys. It does not take too much imagination to realise that when or if the age of consent is lowered to 14, that the last legal protection of children who have only just got used to their changing bodies will have been swept aside. Suddenly, its a sexual free-for-all and even though 14 year olds are almost certainly at it, a lifting of the law will give the teenagers not discouragement, but encouragement towards sex - which is incredible, when the Government keeps telling people that it wants to reduce the number of underage pregnancies and STIs which teenagers are contracting.

And what is at the root of this. Tatchell is still, primarily, a homosexual human rights campaigner. Once the age of consent is lowered to 14, he will then, no doubt, be aiming at lowering the age of consent for homosexuals to 14 as well. The State legitimising the sodomy of teenage boys? Well, you can say what you like about various scandals which have infected Holy Mother Church, but such a move would perhaps define much of the abuse that hampered the US church, and destroyed the innocence and lives of so many pubescent boys, as the law of the Land.

How many young, 16 year old boys have already fallen victim to older sexual predators? How many teenage boys have fallen into a life of male prostitution, simply because the law has allowed it? How many teenage boys have fallen into a life of being used and abused to make pornography films, simply because the law, by default of the age of consent, allowed it? How many teenage boys and girls does the law, because of a lack of concern, no longer protects them from the advances of those with only wicked intent. I don't know, but I'll bet Peter Tatchell doesn't know either and what is more, he has not the time, nor inclination to think of it or care.

Then he takes his homosexual agenda to east european countries, which are predominately Catholic and is aghast when the people of that country vociferously tell him and his campaigners to get out and stay out. Some of these people will be 'homophobes' but I expect the great majority do not want his anti-life agenda foisted on them by him and they don't want their children to be brought up in the same culture as the UK, a culture which now sees sex as totally divorced from marriage, procreation and the institution of the family. Tatchell asks for respect for him and his agenda, yet he does not respect the culture of the places where he propagates his message. That culture, in Eastern Europe, is largely Catholic and maybe that is what he really does not like.

Brighton's House of Horrors

Wiston Clinic, Brighton

I was walking past Brighton's abortion clinic last week and as usual felt a shudder at what must daily go on within those walls. There is no Catholic presense there, largely, I imagine, because arrests would be swift even with a peaceful protest. I don't know whether anyone has ever held a peaceful vigil there. I know that images of aborted unborn children are not legal in this country and I always think that an image or Icon of the Blessed Virgin would be just as effective. Possibly vigils took place there years ago. Nowadays the local MP, David Leppar praises it as a place of cracking healthcare for women.

The reason I post on this was having read My Heart Was Restless blog post that...

'Bishop Aquila of North Dakota recently sent a letter to all Priests of his Diocese, asking them to participate in the 40 Days for Life campaign, which is a well established pro-life witness in the United States. The Bishop wrote: 'I will pray on the sidewalk in front of the abortion facility on Friday, September 25, at 11 a.m. and again on Respect Life Sunday when I lead a Eucharistic procession to the abortion facility, carrying our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament to the site of death for so many of His children.'

Outside to the right of the building, as you walk past, you can see a large electrical generator. I wonder why they need so much power? I can't imagine it is for lighting. Secondly, whenever I go past, I see three large blue and yellow bins stuffed with black bin liners. I don't know whether the contents are surgical equipment, general domestic rubbish or something much, much more tragic and horrifying.

I looked up at the window and to my surprise, for it was 12:30 in the morning, a nurse pulled the curtains away. I looked at my watch. 'Gosh,' I thought, 'It appears they work around the clock.' A look at the website indeed confirms that Wednesday they are open overnight, presumably for those 'difficult' procedures which might involve several hours recuperation.

Because my car is parked relatively nearby, I always feel ashamed when I walk past there and say and do nothing, and undoubtedly, that is exactly how I should feel.

Mandelson's Spinning A New Yarn

The BBC reports that...

Labour is in "the fight of our lives" but the party can win the next election, Lord Mandelson has said. The business secretary said a Labour government had "never been needed more than now", saying his party should behave as "fighters, not quitters." (That's how I've always felt about smoking...).

He pledged his "undivided loyalty" (cough, "Yeah, right!", cough) to Mr Brown and urged the public not to let the Conservatives "off the hook", saying their appeal was "shallow". The Conservatives said the speech was devoid of new ideas or policies. Lord Mandelson praised Gordon Brown, saying he had "gripped" the global financial crisis when other leaders had made mistakes (Brown = Good. Other world leaders = Bad. Brown didn't make mistakes. Brown gripped the global financial crisis while other leaders fumbled at it like teenagers at a houseparty...All hail the Great Leader!)

In response, the prime minister told the Labour conference, the last before the next election, it should be "proud" of Lord Mandelson's contribution to the party. (Hmm...Let's get this straight. Mandelson's contribution to the Labour Party has always been and still is in his ability to spin, put spin on things, make things appear as they are not, deceive, deliberately mislead, cheat, lie and be more slippery than an oiled up eel fresh from a visit to his local masseur. What is more if he ever reads this he can sue me because God knows, I got nothing!).

Lord Mandelson said Conservative leader David Cameron had pursued a policy of "concealment not real change" in his efforts to modernise his party and was not equipped to deal with the major economic challenges facing the UK. Recalling his surprise return to the Cabinet last year, Lord Mandelson said he had returned to frontline politics because Labour was in "his blood and bones" and because of his admiration for the prime minister. (Is this the same Peter Mandelson who spent years conspiring with Blair and issuing press leaks about how "psychologically flawed" Brown was? But didn't he say a day ago that he would gladly help the Tories? Err...??)

"You win elections on the future not the past (Well, the future's all you got guys!) This will be a change election. Either we offer it or the British public will turn to others who say they do." The new Labour project (TM), which Lord Mandelson helped devise in the early 1990s, was "far from complete" (Just like the Death Star in Star Wars! It isn't "fully operational" yet!) he insisted. He said Labour needed to "explain with confidence, clarity and conviction" the differences between it and the Conservatives, saying the election was "still up for grabs". (Yep, its still 'up for grabs', Peter. But then, isn't that how you feel about the Labour leadership as well, because it is obvious to all that you want to take the reigns and make the Death Star, "fully operational"....)

Is it OK for gay men to joke about lesbians?

Following a joke made by the chat show host Graham Norton, the BBC has today ran a piece asking the question, "Is it okay for gay men to joke about lesbians?" I'm not a big fan of Graham as his humour is mostly so vulgar it isn't funny. However, the day Britain loses its sense of humour entirely is a sad day. Nowadays, the question, 'Is it okay to say...' is based upon whether someone might get upset or offended. Yet, that means nobody can say anything which might upset or offend anyone. So, what is the big deal?

As Catholics we are offered no protection against offensive jokes, gestures or words towards some of the dearest things we hold as holy. Furthermore, if Catholics were so easily offended and upset, nobody would go to Mass to hear the words of the Gospel which, so often can be a source of discomfort, especially when we are not living as we should. What could be more offensive to those of us who live worldly lives than the words of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Maybe that is what makes us more tolerant than liberals. We don't mind being in the wrong.

So, here goes.

An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences. I guess I am."

After a short while, he asked her what she was. She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

There. That wasn't so bad was it?

Painting the Town Red...Or is that Brown?

Operation Otter!

I spent the afternoon with an Anglican friend who is working for a company who have to be notified of the security preparations for the Labour Pary Conference in Brighton and, let's face it, the way they've royally shafted the country...they need all the security they can get! So he has a security pass with the Sussex County Police emblem saying "Operation Otter".

What is it with our police and innocuous, fluffy animal names for what are meant to be highly efficient and incredibly assertive, off-putting counter terrorist strategies? 'Operation Otter', eh!? Well, the name of the operation alone has put me right off from going there and committing some terrorist outrage such as calling the Prime Minister a big statist, expenses grabbing, embryology supporting, sycophantic Obamalover! 'Operation Otter'? Is it wet, soggy, a bit cute, fluffy but with teeth that could potentially be a bit painful if you got on the wrong side of the operation and it got you between its jaws?

According to our beloved Beeb, ahead of the Conference, Brown said he would, 'use his conference speech to set out how he would deal with "the whole future of our economy and the whole future of our society".'

Now, I'm not a Tory, never have been, never will be. But at some point, you have to ask whether the Labour Party, under Gordon Brown, can possibly deal with the "whole future of our economy and the whole future of our society" when the whole present of the economy, which is a shambles, and the whole present situation of our society, which is by all accounts, in a state of some kind of ruin, has been governed by either himself, Tony Blair, or both he and Tony Blair for the past 12 years. If they cannot be trusted with either the past or the present, how can they be trusted with the future?

Medugorie: Faith or Fiction? The Only Test?

I know this is not the advice of Holy Mother Church and I'm only joking of course, promise! For we must follow the advice of the Bishop of Mostar, because as well as being bound by Holy Obedience as sons and daughters of the Church, God knows, if there is one thing solid and concrete in the Church, one thing you can rely on, one thing most prevalent in the Church in the modern World, it is holy Bishops who are preaching the Magisterium in season and out of season...If, however, you want further validation of the position of the Bishop in Medjugorje, then...

As a Catholic, go around saying, to all and sundry, "This Medjugorje stuff...It's almost certainly all b***ocks, isn't it!? All this spinning sun and floating Crosses and strange clouds and miraculous golden Crosses. What a load of superstitious nonsense!"

1. If the Lord gives you blessings and graces you with peace you know you're on the right track.
2. If the Lord sends a bus that nearly knocks you over or you fall over on your arse for no apparent reason, or you do something that causes embarrassment to you and those around you, or you start being cataclysmically clumsy, you know you're on the wrong track. I'm only joking! Heaven have mercy on me if its for real, and the Bishop for that matter, because if I were the Bishop at Medjugorje, I'd keep in mind the fate of the Bishop who condemned St Joan of Arc. I hear after her death they dug up his bones and threw them into the river! I hope he knows what he is doing!
   

And the second reason I'm only joking, of course is that we've been told, explicity not to put the Lord our God to the test. Err...So don't do it! Stick with the Bishop! Oh, I don't know, Bishops are so fickle nowadays! Oh it's so confusing! Maybe we should all just pray, do penance and go to Confession and the Blessed Sacrament as frequently as we can!

Hang on...IT'S THE BLESSED VIRGIN!

"Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep...yep, uh-huh, yep, yep, noooo, do I have to?! Okay, yep, got it, right, yeah, oh alright, yes, yes, yep. Right you are!"

She said return to God, pray, go to Confession, receive the Blessed Sacrament, avoid sin, be chaste, stop leading others into sin, stop being nasty to your girlfriend and be holy.

What was it Our Blessed Lord said?

"Blessed are those who do not see, and yet believe."

Medugorie: Faith or Fiction?

"Yes. Uh-huh. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Really? Yep? Yep. Yep...Right you are! Really? Yep, Noooo! Well I never! Yep, yep."

"What did she say?"

"She said, "Buy more stuff!""

Fr Ray Blake has posted about Medjugorje last couple of days. I really don't know enough about it to comment too much. I agree with him that we should follow the official Church position on it. What does concern me is this video. The 'seer' is receiving an apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Where? In her house! To all outward appearances the vision she is experiences appears authentic, with tears, devotion, as if being swept up into mystical contemplation of the beauty of the Virgin and her words, her message to her and the World.

But is it me, or is there something a little unsettling about it. Like, what's Our Lady doing popping into this woman's house! Is this not a little out of keeping with Marian behaviour? I mean, far be it for me to say, "Isn't Our Lady more into scenic and rocky positions in the countryside?"

I don't know, whether this lady is authentic or not, but if she really is experiencing visions of the Blessed Virgin then how come she hasn't put a habit on and joined an order? As far as I know, and I'll admit to not knowing a great deal about Marian apparitions, the Virgin is appearing to a few seers, nearly all lay people and almost like clockwork, regularly like a party piece or something. This is totally out of character with historical, authenticated apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary. I have an open mind about it, but at first hand I agree with Fr Ray's analysis that the fruits are important.

Does Medjugorje result in an abundance of devotion to the Blessed Virgin, return to piety among the Faithful and hoards of Confessions etc, or does it just result in a devotion to Medjugorje. We know that God has used many visionaries in the past, some of whom, I think were lay people. Either Our Lady is appearing at Medjugorje so intensely and so regularly because she wants the World to recognise her Son now before some Great Chastisement, or these visionaries are not mystics but deceived individuals led astray by the wicked lying wonders of the Devil. Difficult, isn't it because Our Lord talked about wonders in the sky prior to the End. Yet, I didn't think the Devil had the 'power' to move the Sun and for that to be caught on camera. Until Holy Mother Church authenticates it, it cannot be taken as authentic. All we know is, Our Lady doesn't make mistakes in who she chooses, therefore if the visionaries are unreliable then that leaves open the question of whether they were chosen by Our Lady. Confusing!!

Scary Barry Obama Dream...

I had a weird dream last night. I'm not really into looking too closely into nocturnal phantasms of the mind, unless they're evidence of a guilty conscience. But, just for once, I'll post it.

I'm in the White House with Barry Obama and I have a glass of wine in my hand and we're chatting. At some point when we're talking the subject of a New World Order comes up. And he says to me;

"Well, there are some benefits to a New World Order. For example, everyone cheers the leader."

I say, "Are you out of your mind, Mr Obama?! What you are talking about President Obama is a Cult of Personality. We've seen it all before. Hitler, Stalin, how many were left dead? 5 million? 6 million?"

At that point, my friend Henry comes along and puts a small Masonic symbol into my wine glass when the President isn't looking, and winks at me, as if to say that it is evidence that the President is involved in a vast Masonic global conspiracy to forge a New World Order under his headship!

Aaaaaghhh! Nightmare! And then I woke up...I must be some kind of visionary or something! I'm going to lay in bed all day and get hoards of followers to be by my bedside, start up a tourism trade, get a load of gold Crosses in etc. Nevermind that I'm a profligate sinner with about as much claim to visionary holiness as my fish.

On a Personal Note...

Shock! I have a job interview coming up in October as a Project Administrator. Anyone who wants to say a prayer for me, that would be much appreciated! I've had a few interviews in my time and my track record of clinching the job is appalling.

Mothers Banned from Looking After Each Other's Children

Good grief!

The Mail reports on a staggering case in which...

'Two working mothers have been banned from looking after each other's toddlers because they are not registered childminders. The close friends' private arrangement had let them both return to part-time jobs at the same company. However, a whistleblower reported them to the education watchdog Ofsted and it found their informal deal broke the law....'

Read more by clicking here.

Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid...

Can anyone tell me what the odds are at the bookies for 'Christmas' either to have been banned and replaced with 'Winter Holiday', or to even more audaciously have been renamed 'Obamas' by this time next year?

This is totally bizarre. These children are too young to be doing this off their own backs. It's coming from the teachers. But who is feeding it to the teachers? And then, who is feeding it to the people feeding it to the teachers? And who is feeding it to them? Who is at the top of the pyramid? This is sick! How can even the 'liberals' in America stand this, especially when unemployment is going through the roof! Crikey! And we thought Tony's suits were 'teflon'! Nothing sticks to Obama. Planned Parenthood, FOCA, ACORN, euthanasia facilities in the healthcare bill, mass unemployment, gargantuan bail outs of Wall Street, a federal reserve debt so huge that if all the World's seas were drained and replaced with dollar bills, the Earth still could not contain it?

Of course, this kind of stuff won't go to Barry's head will it?! Wake up, America! Your president has 'nightmarishly dangerous dictator' written all over him! Give it another 5 years and he'll be holed up in some bunker playing 'Russian roulette' with only Timothy Geithner and 'Eugenics Czar' John Holdren still standing by his side.

How to Kill a 'Hoodie' in Four Moves...

According to the Independent, a Californian marital arts expert has arrived in Slough with a radical new technique of 'self-defense', for those concerned about walking the streets alone at night. Unfortunately, the technique doesn't involve pointing in the sky and shouting shouting, "Oh my God, its the Lord's Second Coming!" before running away. Neither does it involve a quick kick to the groin and scarpering. Neither does it even involve saying, "Take it all, take it all, just spare my life! I've got kids you know!"

No, it involves learning to kill someone in just four moves, which, I'm not sure quite describes 'self-defense' but how to achieve a charge of manslaughter. I'm quite sure some of the workshop attendees who show up to learn the techniques from Tim Larkin will be some of Slough's more unsavoury types who take a dislike to certain people and might just go on the offensive. Call me a chap with a pessimistic view of human nature if you like, I just can't help feeling such knowledge is open to abuse!

The Holy Father is Coming to the UK!

You heard it here first! Okay, you probably didn't...Amazing news from The Telegraph!



"Oi, you Brits! Come to Papa!"

I've just been handed an official schedule of the Holy Father's visit. Here it is...

10.30am Papal High Sung Mass at St Mary Magdalen's Church, Brighton, with local priests as deacons and sub-deacons.

11.30pm Coffee with the parishioners of St Mary Magdalen's Church, Brighton and a swift Fanta at The Windmill, where he says he needs a light for his fag. Even rabid atheists go onto their knees and hold their lighters up to the Holy Father, like in that Marilyn Monroe flick. He enjoys one of Fr Ray's Camels with Fr Ray, me, and all of the parishioners some of whom never smoked before. All this we do inside the pub and break the smoking ban, but nobody cares because its the flippin' Pope!!! Bar staff at The Windmill come over and break open a dozen bottles of champagne, saying, "It's on the house, Your Holiness," having kissed his hands and feet. He blesses them, they rise and go back to serving customers. The Holy Father chinks glasses with Fr Ray, has a sip or three and then says, 'Must dash! May Almighty God bless you in the Name of the Father and of the Son and the Holy Spirit!'

1pm Meeting in London with the Bishops of England and Wales.

1.03pm Bishops of England and Wales make official statement publicly calling on all Priests to learn the Traditional Latin Mass...Now!

1.05pm Lunch with Richard Dawkins

1.06pm Dawkins cries like a baby, converts and asks for Baptism and the location of the nearest Carthusian monastery.

2pm Meeting with Her Royal Highness the Queen

2.05pm Queen requests intensive RCIA course. Prince Charles begs the Holy Father to address climate change and save the planet. Pope Benedict XVI tells him to save his soul and that the planet can go spin on its axis like it always has done and always will until the Lord Jesus returns in Glory at the End of Time and that if the Lord's main concern were that we save the rainforests he would have flippin' said so during His Ministry on Earth.

2.06pm Prince Charles converts to Catholicism.

3.30pm Meets Gordon Brown PM. PM asks if the Holy Father has a spare 'moral compass' on him as he seems to have lost his. Holy Father passes him a penny Catechism.

3.35pm Gordon Brown converts to the Holy Faith, reverses the smoking ban, bans abortion, tells Stonewall to get knotted, promotes marriage and England is Our Lady's Dowry glorious and everyone goes home and prays the Rosary in thanksgiving for the reconversion of the British Isles!

6pm Arrives in Birmingham and canonises Cardinal John Henry Newman.

Well, we can dream!

Will Britain Become 'Brazil'?

Opening Scene

The way we are heading...Highly likely!

Ending

P.D. James Expresses Fears Over Assisted Suicide

The Telegraph reports that P.D. James - a former senior Home Office civil servant, turned crime fiction writer is concerned the assisted suicide 'clarifications' and any future change to law is open to grave abuse.

"We've got to be really careful when we start making it legally possible to end any life. I don't think people who are against legalising euthanasia are any less feeling, they just see that there are great dangers in the state legislating for this, and indeed there are."

Her comments come on the day when the Director of Public Prosecution, Keir Starmer indicated to the press that family members or friends who help a person under 18, or one suffering from a mental illness or learning disability are more likely to be prosecuted, Keir Starmer, Director of Public Prosecutions.

"Would it make a difference if a person was under the age of 18? Does it matter if the person who dies was not suffering from a terminal illness or severe degenerative condition, or if they had a mental illness or learning difficulty?" he wrote. Are any of these factors more worthy of sympathy than a criminal trial?

"If you answer “Yes”, you are exercising your discretion whether to prosecute. I think these factors do make a difference, and I will be setting out exactly how later on today."

The one thing that disturbs me is just how relaxed the Director of Public Prosecution appears in his language, firstly concerning assisted suicide and then about the possible manipulation and killing of people with learning disabilities, mental illness or 'under 18s' by families or relatives. It is the great problem with the moral relativism so endemic in the UK today.

Clearly the man cannot bring himself to say that assisted suicide is a grave and serious crime. Given this, shouldn't he say, quite categorically, 'If you assist in the suicide of someone so vulnerable as someone mentally ill, someone with a learning disability, a teenager or manipulate someone anyone who is impressionable to commit suicide that you will be prosecuted.' But he cannot even bring himself to say that. Highly, highly disturbing. Anyone would have though we were discussing legalising wacky-backy or something. We're not! We're talking about whose lives may be protected by law, and whose lives may not. Who will live and who will die.

The Crowning Glory of Atheism: The French Revolution

Episode 1

If you want to watch this and are confirmed in your belief that atheism does not lead to tyrannical and brutal regimes take a peep. Great series on what happens when a 'new ideology' takes the place of God and Religion and puts it at the service of one who believes in neither.

I was asked by a discussion member in the atheists internet forum to name one atheist who had acted negatively because of his atheism. 40,000 is the estimate at the number killed during the Reign of Terror, all as a result of Robespierre's atheism, rejection of the Church, of God and because of his fervent, passionate and evangelical 'new vision' of human society.

"The French Revolution", said the discussion chap, "was the poor rising up against the rich."
"Eh?" I replied, "What books have you been reading?!"

The French Revolution may have gathered a great deal of men and women who were impoverished to rise up and fight, but primarily it was a coup d'etat on a massive scale by a group of 'Enlightened' thinkers, not just a natural upsurge by the oppressed against the powerful.

Furthermore, as V.I Lenin maintained in his work 'What Is To Be Done?', such 'revolutions' require a 'Vanguard' - a group of 'enlightened men' who can maintain the constancy of the revolution in order to create the utopian vision required.

The victims of the French Revolution were many and varied. Many 'dissenters', however, were Catholics, the Church having been put underneath the power and authority of the State and subjected to it. Robespierre despised the Church because it didn't fit in with his 'passionate ideals' and those who refused his demands, he had slaughtered, because frankly, if you didn't really like the glorious republic and though it was actually a bit restrictive and rather naff, you didn't stand a chance. They had secret police and everything. The Inquisition had nothing on these guys! They hated Christianity so much they changed the flippin' calender! Robespierre died in the month of 'Thermodere' or something.

If you've got time on your hands and enjoy a good documentary...

Episode 2
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Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 6
Episode 7
Episode 8
Episode 9

Voices in Exile

Courtesy of The Telegraph

French authorities have today closed a migrant camp known as 'The Calais Jungle'. I wonder who it was who came up with that name! Was it the migrants themselves or perhaps the politicians who wished to denigrate the asylum seekers genuine pleas for human rights and to be given refuge in Europe in the eyes of the World's media? I'm sure if it was the migrants themselves that it wasn't a term of endearment. Alan Johnson has apparently 'praised' the efforts of the French police and Government. How charming!

"It is a clear signal that France is honouring the agreement... to build even stronger controls at the Calais border with the UK," he said.

Mr Johnson pledged continuing support for the French action, saying that the UK Border Agency officers "already work day and night alongside the French authorities to secure the border at Calais".

French riot police detained 278 illegal migrants in a dawn raid on a makeshift camp in northern France. Illegal migrants and left-wing protesters fought with police on Tuesday as armed officers began clearing the camp. As soon as dawn broke at 7.39am dozens of vans accompanied by bulldozers began circling the stretch of wooded waste ground a few hundred yards from the ferry port. Up to 500 officers had massed for the operation – at least two for each migrant who had stayed on in the blue tarpaulin tents and rickety shacks.

Of course, asylum seekers, particularly Muslim asylum seekers from areas of the World we are not that keen on are not going to be that welcome in Europe, especially in time of recession and fear of terrorism and, unfortunately, these migrants will have few friends in the mainstream media or perhaps even in the UK. What does strike me as a little sinister is the way in which the media are portraying these migrants. The language of 'Clearing of the Jungle' reminds me rather of Robert Mugabe's 'Clearing Out the Trash' attacks on the poor in Harare. The Daily Mail, for example has this picture on its paper today and the headline appeared to convey the view that these migrants are a grave internal threat to the UK, where some of them would have liked to have lived.



To me, that looks like a genuine plea from impoverished and destitute asylum seekers for clemency, human rights, dignity and refuge from their own politically unstable and perhaps dangerous countries of origin. Call me an old, wet, liberal softie if you want, but this labelling of the migrants as 'parasites, freeloaders and traffikers' seems a little too convenient for people who may just be xenophobic, mean-spirited, unmerciful and dare I say it, racist. No! Not Daily Mail readers surely! This Mail report suggests they have softened their line. But really! Come on, atheists! Rise up and defend your Muslim brothers and sisters from a crackdown by a fearful and racist State! No? Didn't think so...I mean, look at them, you can tell they're all terrorists...Send them packing.

Apparently, according to The Mail...

'Protesters, some in tears, shouted slogans at the police, including: "Shame on France!"' Aid worker Sylvie Copyans, from the group Salam, described the heavy-handed police response as "disproportionate and sickening’. To highlight this she told how a frightened Afghan boy called Ali was torn from her arms by police as she wept. She said: 'I tried to hide him, he was very, very frightened.’

The great majority of the men in the migrant camp were Afghans! Get it!? The West bombs the crap out of their country, makes it a perpetual war-zone, an unending conflict and then when the citizens flee here they get put in detention centres, are forced to live in destitution, are treated like animals and are then rounded up and sent packing! Incredible!

Jessica Nora Shadia, 25, from Dunkirk, said: "It's shameful. They treat people like animals. Children were being pushed to the floor as if people have nothing. It's so sad. We tried to help them," she shrugged: "What can you do?"

Oh, France! The glorious Republic! The victorious Queen of the Enlightenment! Marianne and especially Robespierre would be proud of you! These images will go on Al-Jazeera. Of course, that's going to help relations between Muslims and the West no end!

Atheism: The Great Deception

Why did Dr Josef Mengele, do it? Why? In the name of 'science' and 'progress' of course!

Fr Ray Blake of St Mary Magdalen has penned an excellent piece that has an internet atheist discussion group up in arms. You can view Fr Ray's piece here and the atheist discussion group, which I decided to pop into and in which he is rounded upon here. Sometimes it is worth walking into lion's den, waving a Crucifix around and then seeing what will happen. Not many of the responses to Fr Ray's article seem proportionate, reasonable or just, but then, hey, we Catholics know what to expect.

There are, of course, perhaps hundreds of figures the Faithful could point to in human history and draw attention to their atheism as being a defining reason as to why they might have gone so far off the rails and suddenly, seemingly without warning, decided to slaughter a truckload of people, for no good reason whatsoever.

However, just for the sake of doing something a bit different, let's take someone who doesn't get talked about much these days, whose operations in the Holocaust seemed to have been particularly interesting to the arch-bad eggstraordinaire, Adolf Hitler. Dr Josef Mengele, come on down! I realise that Wikipedia is not the World's most respected historical website but let's just have a read of Mengele's biog. Bear with me, there is a point here.

In 1943, Mengele replaced another doctor who had fallen ill at the Nazi extermination camp Birkenau. On May 24, 1943, he became medical officer of Auschwitz-Birkenau's "Gypsy camp". In August 1944, this camp was liquidated and all its inmates gassed. Subsequently Mengele became Chief Medical Officer of the main infirmary camp at Birkenau. He was not, though, the Chief Medical Officer of Auschwitz — superior to him was SS-Standortarzt (garrison physician) Eduard Wirths.

Mengele's experiments also included attempts to change eye color by injecting chemicals into children's eyes, various amputations of limbs and other brutal surgeries. Rena Gelissen's account of her time in Auschwitz details certain experiments performed on female prisoners around October 1943. Mengele would experiment on the chosen girls, performing sterilization and shock treatments. Most of the victims died, either due to the experiments or later infections. According to a website, "Once Mengele's assistant rounded up 14 pairs of Roma twins during the night. Mengele placed them on his polished marble dissection table and put them to sleep. He then injected chloroform into their hearts, killing them instantly. Mengele then began dissecting and meticulously noting each and every piece of the twins' bodies."

The subjects of Mengele's research were better fed and housed than ordinary prisoners and were, for the time being, safe from the gas chambers. When visiting his child subjects, he introduced himself as "Uncle Mengele" and offered them sweets. Some survivors remember that despite his grim acts, he was also called "Mengele the protector". In addition to his studies on twins he did a number of horrifying experiments. Once he burned several Jewish prisoners in a gigantic oven to test how long it would take for the human body to get first, second and third degree burns at certain temperatures. He also tested how much force it would require to break a human skull.

Auschwitz prisoner Alex Dekel has said: "I have never accepted the fact that Mengele himself believed he was doing serious work — not from the slipshod way he went about it. He was only exercising his power. Mengele ran a butcher shop — major surgeries were performed without anesthesia. Once, I witnessed a stomach operation — Mengele was removing pieces from the stomach, but without any anesthetic. Another time, it was a heart that was removed, again, without anesthesia. It was horrifying. Mengele was a doctor who became mad because of the power he was given. Nobody ever questioned him — why did this one die? Why did that one perish? The patients did not count. He professed to do what he did in the name of science, but it was a madness on his part".

Now, on this point I disagree. It is not enough to just say, "Well, Mengele was mad!" As Fr Ray Blake says in his blog, atheism is responsible for as many great evils of which he can think. Atheism does not defend all human life. It only defends human life it deems to be a life 'worth living'. Josef Mengele professed that all of his crimes he did "in the name of science". The poor and deluded individual simply could not help himself. And of course, as our Priest well knows, what with hearing our Confessions, we humans do not necessarily seek or will what is bad. We will what is good but go astray in attaining it because we very often seek a version of the good which has been divorced from the Will of God. We want something good, like love, sex and human intimacy and are prepared to do it unlawfully, outside of marriage, for example, to get it. Scientists want significant breakthroughs and scientific discoveries, treatments or cures, but they're willing to sacrifice some human beings in order to achieve it, which is, of course evil.

And this is exactly what was introduced in the Human Fertilisation and Embryology legislation. At the disposal of scientists today is a great deal of technology. Religious Faith is discarded by the mainstream media and the mainstream political parties as outdated and of no modern use.

Science is the future, they say. Science means 'progress' and in the name of science and 'progress', atheism will doubtlessly be responsible for more Mengelian madness, perhaps the likes of which we could never have shuddered to imagine. The atheists who do not see that history is about to repeat itself, in just this one arena alone, because science, reason and progress have been divorced from Faith, are only deceiving themselves. Catholics, we pray, are not so easily deceived.

According to secularists and atheists embryos don't count. Well, gypsies didn't count to Mengele! According to many secularists and atheists unborn babies don't count. Well, I'm sure unborn babies wouldn't count to Mengele but then, gypsies, dwarves and Jews didn't count to Mengele either. He could not defend human life because he could not see it for what it truly is - sacred, holy and to be defended, and especially not from his own scientific pursuits, because such sacred truths just got in the way.

Yet, that is the road this country has set itself upon. Atheists will not defend unborn human life in laboratories because they cannot see the embryo as a life. Atheists very rarely defend unborn human life in the womb because a great many cannot see that 'it' is a life. Atheists will not defend the lives of the elderly against the subtle pressure to be euthanised once people become unproductive, expensive to care for, or terminally ill. If, in principle, you cannot defend life at all stages, then it makes it far more likely that you will oversee death, acquiesce with death, agree with death, espouse or even promote and spread, death. Because to the atheist, who has no recourse to the Divine Law, the ends unfortunately, can always justify the means.

Master of Spin Slips Up

According to The Telegraph, 'Lord Mandelson, the Business Secretary, came close to falling for the Downing Street photographers’ trap as he allowed them a tantalising glimpse of his bundle of confidential papers.'

Apparently, these documents outline the attacks Labour plans upon the opposition in order to, totally against the odds, secure yet another stunning electoral victory. That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill can reveal, exclusively, the contents of Mandelson's brief.

a) Buy ice pick.

b) Insert ice pick into Gordon Brown's back when he's not looking.

c) Take over as Labour leader and dab away tears at former PM's funeral in glare of world's media.

d) Tell the World I want to be the 'People's Prime Minister' because that kind of crap worked for Tony, so its sure to work for me.

e) Remain unpopular but rig election through elaborate electoral ward boundary re-definement.

f) Ratchet up the 'terror/flu pandemic/economic chaos' threat level to 9.5 a week before the election. Claim I'm the only guy to see the populace through.

g) Win election, rule supreme and move into Number 10 with Ronaldo, making myself king and going down in history as the first openly gay guy in power. Ban all future elections. Yippee!

BBC Report: Dementia 'Burden' Underestimated

"I feel like such a national and global burden..."

According to BBC News...

Notice the language here, chaps and chapesses...

'The future global burden of Alzheimer's and other types of dementia has been underestimated, say UK experts. A report from King's College London suggests more than 115 million people across the globe will suffer from dementia by 2050. This prediction is 10% more than previous figures published in 2005, driven mainly by new figures from South Asia and Latin America.

The Alzheimer's Society said the data showed the "scale of the challenge". The rise in dementia fuelled by increasing life expectancies in countries around the world is causing widespread concerns.'

Interesting choice of language, isn't it? Instead of reporting that the number of dementia and Alzheimers sufferers is set to rise in the future, the report describes those suffering with the illness as a 'burden', and not just any burden but a 'global burden'. Does that sound like not-so-subtle news-speak propaganda or what?

I mean, anyone watching the report or reading that might think, 'Oh, Good Lord. I don't want to be a part of the national or global burden, nevermind a burden on my own family. Where's the hotline to order the 'Assisted Suicide: Your 12-Step Guide to Topping Yourself or Members of Your Family without Fear of Prosecution' leaflet?! The "scale of the challenge," after all, is so great and the burden set to rise by 10%. I don't want to be one of them. I'm doing the decent thing and checking out of this life early so I don't become a burden on the State or society or anybody...Get me a telephone...Hello, yes is that Hotel Dignitas. Get me a room. I'm coming in a fortnight. Yeah, of course I want en suite. Yeah...Yep. Actually do you do room service? You do? Oh, fantastic!"

Again, in the same article...

"The strain of caring for people with dementia is not just a social issue, but
an economic one, placing a growing burden on the working population and health
systems."

How shocking and outrageous! The economically productive have to foot the bill for people who were economically productive but who now have dementia and so are no longer economically productive. Now they've got dementia they're just feeding off the rest of us, even though one day I might have dementia, but that's scary to think about and while I am fit and healthy I'm just going to think about how terrifying it is that these burdensome people are still with us today...Burdensome dementia burdens! If I ever get dementia I'm straight off to Dignitas pronto to get myself put down like an aged, limping yorkshire terrier! Anyone who doesn't do that is just plain selfish and nicking my hard-earned cash. There's nothing worse than someone being a burden!

Honestly, who is going to be reported as being a 'burden' next? The mentally ill? The unemployed? The gypsy community? Children? Adults with learning disabilities? The language used in this report is sinister and insidious and should most definitely not go unchallenged. What an affront to all the people who do suffer Alzheimers and other forms of dementia!

A New Career?

My drummer friend, Ali, and I did a Car Boot Sale at BHASVIC college car park in Brighton on Saturday and we managed to make a bit of cash for the Building Fund. There's so much stuff waiting to be sold. I'm really getting into it, all that haggling, dodging and weaving, ducking and diving, nipping off to get a burger with onions or the odd coffee. Ali seemed to enjoy it too, saying he'd happily do it regularly, which is helpful, as he is the man with the white van.

When we pulled up into our space punters crowded around the van as if the pound had just crashed and we were the only ones in the town with gold bars. Like vultures they descended on the boot to see what booty we had. I said, "Will you give us 5 minutes to set up?" One man answered back, "We might be gone in 5 minutes!" How naive of me! We got a fold-out table on which to put stuff to sell out of the van and one man shouted, "How much for the table!?" Oh boy, punters, it seems, love a good car boot sale.

I had a couple of St Therese of Lisieux statues with prayer cards and put them at the front of my saints section of the stall. I enjoyed shouting out, "St Therese statues for sale here! Get your statues of the Little Flower here! She's touring all over England at the moment, oh yes! That's right, the one Matthew Parris can't stand! £3 each or two for £5!"

Alright, I didn't say that, but people did seem quite taken by the statues. Some people you could obviously see were interested in them for their 'kitsch' value but one man was particularly interested. He was an Anglican who had just returned from pilgrimmage to Fatima and Lourdes. He was retired so said he had the time to do those kinds of things now. He goes to St Patrick's Church, down the road from St Mary Magdalen's and mentioned he had been to the first Car Boot Sale and enjoyed talking to Fr Ray about the Church and the Faith. He bought Our Lady of Fatima off me.

He appeared to have an enormous devotion to the Blessed Virgin and even described her as 'Our Blessed Lady'. 'How refreshing', I thought, 'that an Anglican should revere Our Blessed Mother so much as to acknowledge her properly.' So many Anglican's just call her 'Mary'. He said he was thinking of the possibility of converting to the Catholic Faith and seemed interested in St Mary Magdalen's Church. He was a thoroughly pleasant chap.

Christian Hoteliers Charged After Arguing with Muslim Guest

One rule for Muslims, another rule for Christians? Do you think this lady was arrested? I doubt it somehow. I imagine she was allowed to protest 'peacefully'. While I doubt very much that I would be so bold as to insult the founder of Islam to a Muslim's face, I do not understand why the State is intervening into private arguments or discussions of a religious nature.

Courtesy of The Times

A pair of Christian hoteliers in Lancashire who argued with a Muslim guest at
the breakfast table have been charged with a religiously-aggravated offence.
Dutch-born Ben Vogelenzang said that Mohammed, the founder of Islam, was a
warlord, while his wife Sharon, 54, described the hijab as a form of bondage, it
is claimed.

The incident happened in March when the unnamed guest, who
was staying at the hotel while being treated at a nearby hospital, came down to
breakfast wearing a hijab, a traditional Muslim headdress covering the hair.

The couple had never seen her wear the religious clothing before and a
discussion ensued. The guest complained to police and the couple were charged
under the 1986 Public Order Act - with using “threatening, abusive or insulting
words” which were “religiously aggravated”.

If I were a policeman and someone came up to me and said, "Officer! Someone just said something that really offended me! Please, do something, I feel genuinely insulted," then I think I'd reply, "Oh you poor lamb. We've all had days like that. Go home, have a bath, get some aromatherapy candles on and you'll have forgotten all about it in the morning, unless you're the type who really nurses grievances for long periods of time. Still, why not just turn the other cheek and forgive? Honestly, you'll feel better for it."

If religious hate laws were truly applied in this country, I'd imagine nearly all the Times columnists, Guardian columnists and Independent columnists would be in court before a judge every day. But since such laws are not applied when the Catholic faith or Christianity is attacked, such people are still at large. Strange, isn't it?

The next time I go out for a pint with one of my atheist friends and he starts saying things like, "I like what Jesus said, but I think he was just a good teacher, you know. He was only human. I reckon he probably got it on with Mary Magdalen," then obviously I'll do the decent thing and call the cops...

Official HM Armed Forces Dolls

The must have toy this Christmas, for every youngster targetted by the Government in a cynical attempt to create new recruits for the next war in some backward middle eastern country with notoriously tricky terrain.

Public approval of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are on the decline. The Government therefore are targeting the very young in order to keep a steady stream of little heros and heroines coming into the Army in order to 'Be the Best' and lay down their lives in an unending war of attrition, the reasons for which were, looking back, highly dubious.

So, when you open a copy of the Argos catalogue today, you will find two pages devoted to these delightful, official H.M. Armed Forces figurines which presumably have been designed to encourage small children to re-enact shooting scenes set in hot, hostile and violent regions of the World with brown faced dolls with bits of towel or fabric wrapped around their heads.

Timmy: "Kerpow! Bang! Crash! Take that you Taliban insurgent! And that! Neeeeeooooow, I need back-up, boys! Send in the bombers! Ch-ch-ch-ch! Neeeeow! Boom! Prepare to taste democracy and die, you evil Taliban man!"

Mother: "Timmy, your friend is at the door."

Timmy: "Who is it, mother?"

Mother: "Its your friend from school, Mohammed. He says he wants to come and play...."

Timmy: "Okay, send him in, Mum!"

"Over. Yeah this is Squadron 14, Private Timmy calling. Over. Yeah, give me a run-down on a name. Yes, it's Mohammed. Yep. Yep. Lives at number 134. Yeah. Looks like a terrorist. Yeah, that's the one. Over. Come in Mohammed!"

New Outbreak: Thérèsteria

This is an urgent public health warning. Hot on the trotters of Swine Flu a new and deadly virus has swept the nation. Thérèsteria, which is thought to have originated in an obscure French town a couple of hundred years ago, has spread across the channel to the United Kingdom. Initial reports suggest that the new strains of the virus are highly contagious and affect particularly Catholics, both lapsed and practising and militant atheists in differing ways. The frightening disease results in a shocking phenomenom of religious expression among Catholics who begin to mutter prayers before the relics of St Thérèse of Lisieux, and are unable to withstand an inner desire to touch the Chassis containing the relics of a holy woman who they believe is in Heaven. This is a mild version of Thérèsteria the consequences of which appear relatively positive, with sufferers feeling comfort and protection and what some sufferers have described as "Heavenly assistance and consolation amid trials in this vale of tears."

Thérèsteria affects other victims in a different and more profoundly disturbing way, leading militant atheists in positions of influence to write tyrannical rants in The Times, The Sunday Times and The Guardian. Other symptoms of this strain of Thérèsteria among atheists include sweating, sudden paroxysms of irreligious spite and public demands for bones to be banned, whether in persons dead or alive. Some have suggested this could even lead to the banning of the practise of touching people altogether and especially anyone with bones, because bones are highly dangerous and of grave and terrible threat to individuals and society. For these sufferers, the only cure is to take Parris-etemol three times daily. Towns and cities have ordered vast quantities of 'Jenkin's Jabs', an anti-viral injection which is said to combat the disease even though sufficient tests on its efficacy are still unavailable and there is little or no visible proof for the claims made by the manufacturer. Other cures include the less credible 'Just-a-Minette', which leads sufferers to within one 'Minette' of reading a Times column, feel sick to the stomach of the arrogance of atheists to impose their angry and venomous disbelief on the not insignificant number of Catholics resident in the United Kingdom.

If you are suffering the more mild, pleasant and redemptive strain of Thérèsteria then the Vatican advise that you alert the Holy See to graces received or any miracles obtained by the Little Flower and generally go around telling people of your new or renewed devotion to one of the sweetest, most innocent, gentle, humble and charming Saints of all time.

If you feel you are suffering from the less innocuous but more virulent and violent strain of Thérèsteria and are suffering any symptoms such as injured pride, confusion, sweating, sudden violent, unholy and heretical outbursts against God, Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy, Immaculate and Blessed Virgin Mary and the Holy Saints of God, then it is advisable that you repent of your ugly heresy. At the very least, the WHO advise that you, 'Chill the **** out and let Catholics do what Catholics have been doing since the Early Church venerated those raised by God to be Martyrs, Saints and Blesseds and that those who were so honoured and graced by God were then raised to the Altar, so that believers may share in their glorious merits and know their powerful intercession before the Throne of Almighty God, lest you become so violently angry that you spontaeneously combust.'

New Guidelines on Assisted Suicide?

"Happy Birthday, Nan! By the way, I'm just popping out for five minutes. If you smell gas, ignore it. Its only the workmen down the road working on some dodgy piping..."

According to the BBC, new 'guidelines' on assisted suicide law will be published by the Director of Public Prosecutions this week to clarify when people are likely to be prosecuted.

'Guidelines'? "Want to kill your granny and get the inheritance? Get yourself a copy of our new 12-step guide! We'll tell you how to knock off the old dear and do it in such a way as to avoid prosecution!"

According to the BBC...

Keir Starmer QC told the BBC factors that would be considered included
whether anyone helping in the suicide stood to gain financially. He said
assisted suicide would remain an offence as the law was unchanged.

Labour minister Ed Balls said he hoped Mr Starmer would "err on the side
of being very, very cautious".'

So let's recap then. The Director of Public Prosecutions is going to suggest that if you want to assist someones suicide, do it, but do it very, very cautiously, as quiet as a mouse and you'll get away with it.

If you do not do it with a profound sense of caution then you might get prosecuted...but probably not. So, in conclusion then, you almost certainly won't get prosecuted, unless you've "manipulated" someone into a suicide in a wicked manner.

But then, let's just think about it, the only truly credible witness to the "manipulation" is probably dead either having put a bag over her head because she felt like it, having had a bag put over her head by you after you've convinced her it was about time she took a sharp turn to the exit marked 'Death', or even because you put a bag over her head and you know there are no witnesses and this will look unmistakenly like a suicide, or even an 'assisted suicide'.

So, you probably won't get prosecuted. In conclusion, then, you almost certainly won't get prosecuted for assisting suicide. Therefore the State sanctions suicide and allows you to 'help' kill your family, friends and relatives with impunity.

Cracking stuff. The idea that this 'decriminalisation' is not wide open to gross and grave abuse is as laughable as the idea that Peter Mandelson isn't harbouring a deep and burning desire to become next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and Dark Lord of the Whole Universe simultaeneously. People love grannies. People love grannies with money. People love money. People love their granny's money. Safeguards, they say!? What safeguards! The only truly credible eyewitness is dead, having conveniently left her inheritence to her doting son/daughter! You don't have to be P.D James to imagine what will take place following decriminalisation!

A Letter to Minette Marrin of The Sunday Times

You can write to Minette Marrin and make known your displeasure at her mean-spirited column at minettemarrin@minettemarin.com. Here's my letter. Nobody expects the Brightonian Inquisition!

Dear Ms Marrin

I have written a response to your article on my blog, That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill. Click the link to read it.

I would be thrilled if you would read it. By all means, comment on my analysis of your article on the Relics of St Therese of Lisieux. You and Matthew Parris seem awfully upset by the arrival of her relics and I think it may be a case of 'protesting too much'. Your distress at Catholic piety only lends more credence to the veracity of the Faith.

It was precisely the fact that Christ made people feel uncomfortable that He was crucified for our sakes. It was precisely the fact that the Apostles made people feel uncomfortable that they were martyred for His sake.

By all means, also, mention to your Times columnist colleague, Matthew Parris, that I have written a response to his article which was even more virulent in his prejudiced attitudes towards the Catholic Faith. I am organising a parish trip to Aylesford Priory on 10th October to venerate the Relics of St Therese. So far we have 15 people going from the parish of St Mary Magdalen, Brighton. Both you and Matthew Parris are welcome to come. I mean, why not give it a go? You and Matthew could write articles based on your experiences of Catholic Tradition, rather than your own private prejudice and fear, which appears, if you will forgive me for saying it, to be based not on authentic evidence, but "superstition".

Yours sincerely

Laurence England

The Sign of Contradiction

After Mass today we were discussing Roman Emperors including, of course Constantine, whose conversion to the Holy Faith was to prove so crucial in the spread and security of Christianity across the Roman Empire. In a dream Constantine is shown the Cross and hears the words, "By this sign, thou shalt conquer."

Today, thousands of years later, we are used to the Crucifix. As Catholics the Cross, the Crucifix is an emblem of our Faith. It reminds us of the love that God has for us. It reminds us that God is Love and loved us to the end, that God died for us and by the shedding of His Blood, has purchased our souls. It reminds us of the price of our redemption but also of a God who would sooner undergo death Himself, than allow death to reign over Mankind as a result of the Fall.

I can think of few other professions which entail more self-sacrifice, more love, more compassion and tenderness than nursing. The Crucifix is a fitting sign for a nurse to wear because the job demands Christ-like love, Christ-like self-sacrifice and Christ-like compassion. But in secular Britain today, it is a Sign of Contradiction against the spirit of the age and a cause of scandal and offense in an age in which it seems the love of God is absent or being pushed away.

The Telegraph reports that one nurse, Shirley Chaplin has been taken off the wards at The Royal Devon and Exeter NHS Trust Hospital after refusing to remove her necklace. She says, "Everyone I have ever worked with has clearly known I am a Christian: it is what motivates me to care for others,” she said. "For about 30 years I have worked in the NHS and nursed patients day and night and on no occasion has my cross caused me or anyone else, any injury – and to my knowledge, no patient has ever complained about me wearing it. I feel that I’m being bullied and victimised because of my faith.”

And so today, it is not, it would appear, a case of, "By this Sign thou shalt conquer." It is a case of, "By this Sign thou shalt be disciplined by your employers or sacked. By this Sign thou shalt be ridiculed. By this Sign thou shalt be hounded out of public and civic life. By this Sign, thou shalt become as an outcast. By this Sign, you will be crucified."

Perhaps that, too, in a way, evil and grossly unjust as it is, is fitting.

Sunday Times Columnist Voices More Opposition to the Little Flower

The most frightening bones in England?

Another Times columnist has had her feathers ruffled by St Thérèse of Lisieux. Why is it that these journalists find the relics of a canonized Saint so very frightening? What they cannot understand, they wish to ban. What they cannot control, they wish to destroy. What they regard as incredible, they wish to deny to the credulous, even those imprisoned believers who yearn just to touch something, someone who has been touched by the Supernatural and the Divine. Someone sanctified by God. This time, Minette Marin of the Times has launched a crusade against the tour of the relics of St Thérèse of Liseiux. The classic irony is that both she and Matthew Parris are so incensed that she is getting publicity...Yet, because they are writing so angrily about her, they are giving her even more publicity, which, frankly, I think is marvellous!

It wasn’t so long ago that Europe was almost awash with gallons of the milk of the Virgin Mary, treasured by the faithful (Anyone remember the Great Catholic European Milk-a-thon of 1965? No? Me neither). And fellow citizens ought usually to be polite enough to keep their critical thoughts to themselves, in the name of courtesy and mutual tolerance.

However, there is a difference in this case. The Catholic Church is actively encouraging people to hope for miracles of healing (The Church is not saying, "Roll up, roll up, get your miracle cures here". The Church is encouraging the Faithful to piety and devotion to a Saint who always had in her prayers those outcasts rejected by society.) These reliquary jamborees can only inflame irrational expectations in people who are suffering and suggestible. Surely it cannot be right to do so. Any face cream promising much lesser miracles — merely the disappearance of wrinkles — would soon fall foul of trading standards officers and have to be withdrawn, to protect the innocent public from being deluded by the false claims of charlatans. Why, then, have the media been so uncritical about this mass deception? (Why should the media be highly critical of a Catholic tradition that goes back to the Early Church? I mean, we expect it, but why?)

The intolerant, triumphalist atheists have never appealed to me (Could've fooled me!). I cannot see why it is so important to them to denounce other people’s religious beliefs so aggressively (So, why then denounce the Faithful's veneration of these relics?). I don’t know why people who pride themselves on their rationality can be so irrationally sure that they are right; absolute certainty is not a rational position (Good point, Melanie!). Besides, Catholics and Christians generally are very often a force for good; most of what’s best in our society is built upon Christian foundations. (Bravo! O boy, this girl is good! Fair, respectful and even-handed!)

All the same, there comes a time when even a peaceable agnostic feels roused to indignation (Uh-oh...She's about to have a funny turn!). For me it was last week, at the news that the Home Office has seen fit to let the bones of the Little Flower into Wormwood Scrubs prison. This almost defies belief (Correction: It defies your unbelief). For, in allowing this, with all the due process and deliberation of bureaucracy, the government is conferring respectability on such relics (Not so, Minette. The Government is allowing the relics of a Saint to visit a prison. This is not illegal immigration nor a matter for HM Customs and Excise. St Therese is not a member of Al-Quaeda. They are merely allowing Catholic prisoners and those of good will to venerate a Saint's relics. In other words, respecting the right to freedom of religious expression. I mean, what are you going to do next? Call for the banning of Mass? I mean, to you Mass is dangerous because Catholics think we receive the Body and Blood of Christ?) And in so doing, it opens wide the gates of reason to let into any public place any and every fetish or juju that any religious group claims is part of its spiritual life. The laws on equality and religious respect will require it.

What the starry progress of the relics of the Little Flower has done for me is to remind me that we have in this country rather too much religious tolerance (Calling for the banning of relics of obscure french nuns who became canonized Saints seems very intolerant to me). The truth is that many religions — perhaps most — have certain doctrines and beliefs that are not merely irrational but sometimes dangerous and unacceptable. (Catholicism. The most dangerous and unacceptable religion in the World! All those St Therese devotees going around doing good, praying for troubled souls and being kind. They must be stopped!)

At this very moment there are religions, with countless adherents in this country, that teach that people can truly be possessed by demons, which must be exorcised, perhaps violently; that witches exist and must be punished or killed; that God has created women inferior and subject to men; that women are unclean and must be excluded from certain places and roles for that reason (Which religion is this? Oh, she must mean Christianity and in particular, Catholicism. She's right of course. I went to Mass last week and after coffee we had three witch burnings, five exorcisms and forced at least three women into labour camps to do washing up and laundry for the men. Thank God for true religion...). These beliefs — held until recently by most of Christian Europe — are actually against the law (This is rubbish. Beliefs, even wicked beliefs with little or nothing to do with Christianity are not against the law. Even Satanists are given a degree of protection against discrimination) in this country and contrary to the universal declaration of human rights. Yet the duty of religious tolerance persuades us to overlook this fact (and we, too, have to tolerate you, your vile anti-Catholic prejudices and your heresy). It persuades us to ignore the truth that religions are not really equal, in the sense that they are not equally benign or harmless. (Read: "Both these bones and the idea that some people believe they are the bones of a Saint who is now in Heaven frighten me terribly. Therefore, I want the State to ban them. Boo-hoo".)

Some religions do promote unacceptable things, while others peddle false hopes here on earth. I would not dream of suggesting that the government return to the ancient tradition of suppressing religious freedom (except that's what I've just said in my last paragraph). But I think we should insist that the Home Office does not lend any extra official respectability to religious hocus-pocus of any kind (Read: "The Home Office should not have allowed these relics to visit Wormwood Scrubs because I don't believe in Catholicism and therefore nobody else should"). Superstition, like St Thérèse, has a curious immortality on earth.

So, Minette. What next? Ban Rosaries? Ban Confession? Ban the Eucharist? Ban the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass? Ban crucifixes? Ban prayer? Ban Catholicism? All of these things are a threat to your world view. All of these things are present in parish Churches in the UK and in prison chapels among the Faithful imprisoned. Today, it seems, people love talking about diversity...until they feel threatened, feel uncomfortable or challenged by one of the religions.

Why is it, Minette that just because you do not believe in God, Saints, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, the Virgin Mary, Our Lord Jesus Christ, Sin or Redemption that you want to make everyone else in your image and likeness? Anyone would have thought that you were some kind of evangelical anti-Catholic activist with a set of beliefs all of your own that you think should be espoused by everyone else. Let's call it Marrinism. Well, you can practise your Marrinism. We're more interested in Marianism ourselves but hey, you practise your religion if you want. Please, be gracious, and allow us, peacefully, to practise ours.