The Salt Summit!

The Telegraph today reports that government agencies are to hold a 'salt summit' due to the depleted stock of salt and grit with which to make roads and pavements safer for drivers and pedestrians. A leaked email memorandum has been passed to the Thrill.

Department of National Procrastination, Evasion and Absurd Excuses

Memo to Government agencies regarding Salt Summit
(Private and Confidential)

Under anti-terrror laws the government can order the sequestration of salt from chip shops and homes to be used by traffic wardens on pavements and the Highways Agency on roads. Anyone?

TV campaign to be rolled out within the week to urge the nation not to shower and to save their sweat, to be collected in sandwich bags, to be crystalised and used on roads and pavements. Press ups, sit ups and skipping indoors to be actively promoted to this end.

Break: Coffee and biscuits

Use of sea water? Lots of salt there, does anyone know how this can be used? Send warships to the Dead Sea to extract salt there since they have the most?

Sprinkle Christians over the roads since Christ said they should be the 'salt of the earth'. Salt therefore in higher density and concentration in Christians. Will the country accept this?