Mandelson 'Cleverer Than Me', Says Satan

The Telegraph reports that, 'in a move that will see yet more power passed to the First Secretary, Lord Mandelson is expected to be increasingly used by Downing Street as the minister put up to “sell” the Government's message to the public. Lord Mandelson could also make history as the first minister to make weekly televised briefings. They would be broadcast direct through the Downing Street website.'

But what hasn't been reported is that Mandelson actually popped the real Prince of Darkness, Satan, to the post. Both Mandelson and Satan were selected for interview for the Orwellian sounding position of 'Minister for Information', but it was decided that Mandelson outshone Satan in terms of deviousness, cunning and sheer, unadulterated, propensity to wicked forms of deception.

Satan, speaking off the record, said, "Well this is just typical. First I get thrown out of Heaven, then my evil plans for the eternal death of the human race are thwarted by Christ and now this just adds insult to injury. I wanted that job, and all credit to the man Mandelson, he is cleverer than me, but I must say I still feel deep down that I taught him everything he knows. He basically took a trait of mine, wicked deception and took it another step further. Being Minister for Information would have been the ideal place to spread lies and deceit and I would have thoroughly enjoyed the role. That said, I wish him all the best and he knows I'll always be on hand to offer my advice."