How to Respond to a Disastrous Synod on the Family...

1.  Don't be angry when the proverbial hits the fan. Best not to complain. Know what I mean?

2. Instead of getting angry, spend some time with the poor. It's a great distraction from the collapse of the Faith.

3. Stay calm and proceed calmly. Don't worry or fret. The Holy Spirit has spoken. Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about.

4. Instead of being resentful and angry, consider a walk in the park instead. After all, its a lovely day, the birds are singing etc.

5. Look after your family. Don't worry, we're looking after the Church.

6. Think about it, you could be doing something useful instead, like employing young people to wash your car.

7. And remember to do the recycling.

8. Above all, don't be negative.

9. Respect the views of Cardinals Maradiaga and Walter Kasper. They've as much right to spout their heresies as you have Catholic doctrine.

10. Come on, people! Chill out and make peace! Cheer up, it might never happen!