Monday, 5 October 2015

Vatican Teams Up With Children's Storybook Company for Synod Tale

The Vatican has teamed up with Mr. Men children's books to help Catholic parents tell the story of the Synod on the Family to their children. Now your children can follow, and relive, those key moments of the Synod with Mr. Men characters. The book has been written but not yet been released. However, the characters have been published so you can tell your little lambs the full official story. Naturally, parents will be astonished that the 'story of the Synod' is to be released before the Synod ends, but Cardinal Lorenzo Baldisseri has made it clear that the pre-written story of the Synod is completely trustworthy and will reflect reality retrospectively.
Pope Francis (Supreme Pontiff)
Cardinal Walter Kasper (everybody loves Mr. Tickle!)
Fr Thomas Rosica of Salt and Light TV
Cardinal Godfreed Daneels (keep quiet about the conclave, and you won't be so nervous!)
Archbishop Bruno Forte (our lovable little rogue and naughty relatio expert)
Cardinal Peter Erdo (keep talking Mr Noisy!)
Cardinal Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga ("Come on, people!")
Bishop Peter Doyle of Northampton
Cardinal Vincent Nichols (nice man, but only interested in his red hat really...)

Archbishop Stanislaw Gadecki of Poznan (Always thinks things are impossible, wants to thwart God's dream!)

Cardinal Lorenzo Baldisseri (our expert in promoting topsy turvy theology)

Cardinal Wilfrid Napier (always on Twitter)
Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin (Crisis? What crisis?)

Archbishop Blaise Cupich (prepared to think 'outside the box')
Fr Antonio Spadaro S.J (all journalists are like this, especially that evil Edward Pentin!)
Cardinal Reinhard Marx (outspoken, brazen, controversial, rich but still our good friend in Germany)
Cardinal George Pell (always moaning)
Fr Frederico Lombardi, S.J (has a difficult job)
Cardinal Gerhard Ludwig Muller (Calm down, it will all be okay!)
Bishop Athanasius Schneider (not invited to the Synod, because bravery is not for Christians)
Cardinal Raymond Burke (not invited because nobody likes a 'Mr. Perfect'!)

Cardinal Robert Sarah

Pope Emeritus Benedict (not invited because ex-Popes who are 'specialists of the logos' don't have anything to say to modern man)
Monsignor Pio Pinto (listen to the Holy Spirit talking through Mr Messy, or else!)
Cardinal Angelo Sodano (always fussing around, trying to control Vatican life)
Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle (Slow down, Mr. Rush!)
Cardinal Christoph Schonborn (Means well...)
Fr Adolfo Nicolas Pachon, Superior General of the Jesuit Order (If looks could kill...)
Cardinal Timothy Dolan (Guffaw! Chortle!)

Monsignor Krzystof Charamsa (not invited, but still made a huge impression on the whole thing)

Update: Not all readers will be familiar with these characters. This video will help you acquaint yourself with Mr Tickle.


Pelerin said...

It will surely be known as 'A Tale of Two Synods'

Liam Ronan said...

Great stuff, Bones.

torchofthefaith said...

Sheer class!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff!

Pope Pius X tried to cleanse the Seminaries of the Modernist/Relativist in Rome, but he even he admitted that the task was so difficult. This Mafia is still there and I am wondering if this Pope have got what it takes to begin the cleansing at the Vatican?

Liam Ronan said...

It just occurred to me! I've seen this pitch before in 1965 storybook released shortly after the conclusion of Vatican II. "The Gospel According to Peanuts" by the Presbyterian Robert Short.

The characters were much gentler but the message was the same. All you need is love.

Unknown said...

Bea ha ha ha! One of your best, Bonester!

Unknown said...

Anonymous---your kidding, right? Francis is the ultimate modernist/relativist.

Seattle Kim

Anonymous said...

The prequel, "Instrumentum Laboris", was a shameless attempt to exploit the franchise.

Genty said...

Love it.

Lucy Mouse said...

Absolutely wonderful! So funny yet so true!

Anonymous said...

Great, great, great......especially Mr. Clever.......splendid, Bones, congrats. God bless+

gracem said...

So clever...I love it!

Hermit said...

I can't help but notice that these are all Mr MEN!!! Where were the 'little miss', or even better the 'strong confident women'? Surely it's not an ordinary synod without the presence and participation of women.
But at least all those funny and archaic titles have gone.

Lynda said...

Not many men among them, sadly.

Our Lady of Good Success-pray for us. said...


Christ would NEVER EVER give us a universal hell-leader as a Vicar. "Divine providence, watching over the Church, miraculously preserved the deposit of faith, of which this young voluptuary [Pope John XII (reigned 955-963)] was the guardian. This Pope's life was a monstrous scandal, but his bullarium is faultless. We cannot sufficiently admire this prodigy. There is not a heretic or a schismatic who has not endeavored to legitimate his own conduct dogmatically: Photius tried to justify his pride, Luther his sensual passions, Calvin his cold cruelty. Neither Sergius III nor John XII nor Benedict IX nor Alexander VI, supreme pontiffs, definers of the faith, certain of being heard and obeyed by the whole Church, uttered, from the height of their apostolic pulpit, a single word that could be an approval of their disorders...At times John XII even became the defender of the threatened social order, of offended canon law, and of the religious life exposed to danger.' (Rev. Fernand Mourret, A History of the Catholic Church, Vol. 2 [St. Louis, MO: Herder Book Co., 1946], pp. 510-511."

the 'story of the Synod' is part of the hall of mirrors of the is the 'story of Vatican II'...

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