Thursday, 2 October 2014

Cardinal Kasper's Controversial Theme Song for the Synod

In his latest interview for a German magazine, Cardinal Kasper, responsible for Instrumentum Laboris, the working paper which will be discussed at the Extraordinary Synod on the Family by Bishops and Cardinals, has revealed the theme song that will open up the debate, the outcome of which will be closely followed by media outlets around the globe.

The song, 'Sympathy for the Devil' by the Rolling Stones will serve as a "prayerful meditation" for those attending the Synod. The controversial move said by Kasper to be supported by Pope Francis, but which has caused Cardinal Burke to speak of his concern for the Pope's curious case of selective laryngitis, has angered those Cardinals and Bishops opposed to any alteration either in discipline or doctrine to the Church's Dominical teaching on the impossibility of Holy Communion for the divorced and remarried.

"There could be trouble ahead..."

Cardinal Muller of Germany, Prefect for the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith - a department that could be, according to Kasper "discreetly and quietly collapsed" in reforms flowing in the wake of the Synod - is reported to have said that the theme song "sends out all the wrong signals to the media agencies around the world" and especially to "those who seek to dilute the Church's teaching or render the Catholic Church incapable of opposing the anti-life, anti-family, anti-Christian spirit of the age."

Bishop Fellay of the SSPX, however, responded to the news that the meditation upon the secular antiphon was "unusually honest, if brazenly evil" and that it could serve as a "warning to those present not to throw Christ out of His own Church in an effort to appear relevant and reasonable to modernity and its many sorrows, born out of a rejection of the concept of sin as an offense to the Creator."

Having browsed once more the 'doctrinal preamble' for the reconciliation of the SSPX to the Holy See recently at the Vatican, it is reported that when Cardinal Muller informed Bishop Fellay that the song would open up the Synod, Fellay responded, "Well, Lucifer's presence at gatherings of Bishops is more or less guaranteed since he wants to corrupt the pure doctrine of the Church and secure the damnation of as many souls as possible. He was probably present at the First Vatican Council. We can now see he was certainly present at the Second Vatican Council. We shouldn't be too surprised that he's been formally invited to the Third."

Kasper claims the Synod will close, as expected, with a Papal Mass. The communion hymn, to the disappointment of those opposed to his proposals, will according to Cardinal Kasper be John Lennon's 'Imagine'. Asked for a comment on the Synod, Grand Master Raffi of the Grand Orient Lodge of Italy had no comment, but to re-issue his original press release upon the election of Pope Francis to the Chair of St Peter. "By 2016", Cardinal Kasper confidently predicts that St Peter's Basilica will be one of the "most prized and prestigious ecumenical and inter-faith spaces in the world".

"With Pope Francis, nothing will be ever be the same again."
- Grand Master Raffi, 14 March 2013


Long-Skirts said...


Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and lace
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a soul of the human race

Was around the Vatican
When Ecumenical had begun
Made sure the media
Any good Bishop - they would shun

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

The First of equals
Says they caused "calamity"
Was "virtual media"
Not the Council's hierarchy

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
But what's confusing you
Is the nature of my game

I've watched with glee
As your seminaries have closed down
"The Liturgy trivialized"
The Pope just said so in Rome's downtown

And so you're sinners
You know you can not - can't all be Saints
Just call me prince...and
We'll work together without restraints

Now when you meet me
Have some sympathy and some taste
Just blame the media
Or I'll lay your soul to naught and waste

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game...

woo - who?
woo - who?
woo - who?
woo - who?

c matt said...

I heard CCR's "Bad Moon Rising" was Burke's counter-proposal.

TLM said...

I mean...........You can't make this stuff up! Just can't make it up!

The Bones said...

It's a joke post...I hope!

susan said...

Is it?...really? sure???

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