New Diversity Manual Instructs Police on How to Deal with Pagans

As sure as day turns into night is the World going more bonkers with every passing day. Hardcore pagans are well and truly in the frame of the multicultural, politically correct society and the police are being given guides in how to 'deal' with them. Have they never watched 'The Wicker Man' or something? I guess we have to accept that living in a pluralistic society means that we have to respect wizards, warlocks, druids, witches and people who believe say things like, "I was lost once. I thought I was going to end up in Heaven or something, the way I was living, but thankfully 'old nick' introduced me to palm reading and tarot cards and I haven't looked back since, with loads of cash off the impressionable in this life and a nice warm place for me when I die."

The Telegraph reports...

The advice is contained in a 300-page "diversity handbook" which gives officers a range of "dos and don'ts" when approaching followers of a range of religions and other beliefs, from atheism to Zoroastrianism.

Instructions include avoid touching a witch's "Book of Shadows", which contains their spells, or handling their ceremonial dagger. The online handbook also advises officers not to jump to conclusions if they encounter a situation where a blindfolded, naked person is tied by their hands – they could merely have stumbled upon a pagan ritual, where such activities are normal practice.

You can imagine it, can't you. A couple of police are called to an 'incident' in a London road. They've taken a call from a distressed man crying and saying, "Hurry, she's got a massive knife and she's going to kill me! My hands are tied!" On arrival they crash through the door of number 666 Hades Street only to find a naked man tied up, blindfolded and praying for deliverance.

A woman dressed up as Kate Bush in the video for 'Wuthering Heights' comes in and says, "Can I help officers? I was just preparing my massive knife to perform a satanic ritual upon this man? Would you like a cup of tea?"

The officers respond, "No, madam. We received a distress call for this address and we can see now you're just going about your religious rituals. We won't disturb you any longer. We'll have your door fixed first thing tomorrow. Come on Jeff, fancy a pint?"

The man cries out, "Please God! Officers, please help me. She's going to kill me!"

The officers reply, "Sorry son, its not our job to interfere in religious practises. Lighten up! She's only practising her religion! Chill out! Is this man disturbing you, madam?"

"No," the witch replies, "but thank you for your concern. Night officers! Shall I see you out?"

Now, I'm waiting for the comments saying, 'Dear Mr England, you do a terrible disservice to witchcraft...'

I was in Brighton last night and stumbled across the former drummer of my now defunct, inactive 'folk-rock' band. We reminisced over our heady days playing the Hare and Hounds to four people and a barman. Oh, yes, those were the days! Outside of the pub, I found some undead people and interviewed them. Brightonians, eh?! You gotta love 'em! All Souls is Tuesday I'm told, by the way, not Monday!

See also: 

Damian Thompson 'The BBC sucks up to Pagans'

Fr Ray Blake's Blog 'Paganism in Brighton'

Hermeneutic of Continuity 'Liturgical Abuse Shocker'