Mandelson's Spinning A New Yarn

The BBC reports that...

Labour is in "the fight of our lives" but the party can win the next election, Lord Mandelson has said. The business secretary said a Labour government had "never been needed more than now", saying his party should behave as "fighters, not quitters." (That's how I've always felt about smoking...).

He pledged his "undivided loyalty" (cough, "Yeah, right!", cough) to Mr Brown and urged the public not to let the Conservatives "off the hook", saying their appeal was "shallow". The Conservatives said the speech was devoid of new ideas or policies. Lord Mandelson praised Gordon Brown, saying he had "gripped" the global financial crisis when other leaders had made mistakes (Brown = Good. Other world leaders = Bad. Brown didn't make mistakes. Brown gripped the global financial crisis while other leaders fumbled at it like teenagers at a houseparty...All hail the Great Leader!)

In response, the prime minister told the Labour conference, the last before the next election, it should be "proud" of Lord Mandelson's contribution to the party. (Hmm...Let's get this straight. Mandelson's contribution to the Labour Party has always been and still is in his ability to spin, put spin on things, make things appear as they are not, deceive, deliberately mislead, cheat, lie and be more slippery than an oiled up eel fresh from a visit to his local masseur. What is more if he ever reads this he can sue me because God knows, I got nothing!).

Lord Mandelson said Conservative leader David Cameron had pursued a policy of "concealment not real change" in his efforts to modernise his party and was not equipped to deal with the major economic challenges facing the UK. Recalling his surprise return to the Cabinet last year, Lord Mandelson said he had returned to frontline politics because Labour was in "his blood and bones" and because of his admiration for the prime minister. (Is this the same Peter Mandelson who spent years conspiring with Blair and issuing press leaks about how "psychologically flawed" Brown was? But didn't he say a day ago that he would gladly help the Tories? Err...??)

"You win elections on the future not the past (Well, the future's all you got guys!) This will be a change election. Either we offer it or the British public will turn to others who say they do." The new Labour project (TM), which Lord Mandelson helped devise in the early 1990s, was "far from complete" (Just like the Death Star in Star Wars! It isn't "fully operational" yet!) he insisted. He said Labour needed to "explain with confidence, clarity and conviction" the differences between it and the Conservatives, saying the election was "still up for grabs". (Yep, its still 'up for grabs', Peter. But then, isn't that how you feel about the Labour leadership as well, because it is obvious to all that you want to take the reigns and make the Death Star, "fully operational"....)